Stories from school and college

Be Sure To Copy The Right Copy

Learning | May 7, 2013

(I am handing back test papers.)

Student: “Why did you give me zero?”

Me: “There were multiple versions of the test. You had the right answers to one of the other versions.”

Student: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “The answers to version A and the answers too version B were not the same.”

Student: “I still don’t get it.”

Me: “Is it possible that you might have looked at someone else’s paper during the test?”

Student: “Well, yeah!”

Me: “They didn’t have the same test as you.”

Student: “So I failed?”

Me: “Yes.”

Student: “But I’ve never failed before.”

Me: “Now you have.”

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Schoolyard Of Broken Dreams

Learning | May 7, 2013

Student 1: “Before I came to uni, I wanted to be an astrophysicist.”

Student 2: “I wanted to be a geneticist.”

Student 3: “I wanted to be happy.”

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So Many Wheys To Milk A Pun

Learning | May 7, 2013

(It is the last week of classes where all assignments are due before finals. My friend and I are texting each other during an all-nighter as we try to complete our massive workload.)

Me: “I’ve reached the point where I don’t care if my points are cheesy; it gets the job done.”

Friend: “No! Cliche is a far worse fate than death!”

Me: “I said cheesy, not cliche. I mozza ask you to pay attention.”

Friend: “Don’t cheddar question my logic if you know what’s gouda for you!”

Me: “Cheese, your logic would brie nothing against mine. My logic comes from years of experience and from age.”

Friend: “Cheese, look at you. It’s a marble you’ve gotten so far with such pule logic. Mine is so much feta.”

Me: “Hey, don’t get fraishe with me! You butter quit while your ahead and brie thankful I don’t come over and break your parm for sage-esting that you are more sharp than mycella.”

Friend: “I bow to you, that was a thing of beauty. Truly, you’re a provolone. Cheddar luck next time. Alright, cheese puns are becoming grating. Leyden to rest.”

Friend: “I agree, we cottage stop.”

Me: “That could have be said feta.”

Friend: “You’re swissing the point.”

Me: “I didn’t mean much parm, just telling you it wasn’t very gouda.”

Friend: “Aura, that’s enough! Sorry to perail your puns, but urda stealing half of them from telemea.”

Me: “Urda cheese string and using an encyclopedia.”

Friend: “I just know moale about cheeses than you!”

Me: “You mozza looked up a list because I cheddar heard of telemea before and found it online. On a seperate note, I think I can finally go to bed. Gouda night!”

Friend: “You’re done?”

Me: “Yup, cheese whiz! That took forever.”

Friend: “Congrats, have the best sleep ever!”

Me: “I curdle ask for a butter reward.”

Friend:: “You can stop with the cheese puns now.”

Me: “Nope, cheese jokes will stick around for awhile. I mozza sleep it off!”

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Pugilistical Correctness

| Learning | May 6, 2013

(I’m physically disabled and in a wheelchair. I’m having a friendly mock argument with another student.)

Student: “[My name], I challenge you to a fight! Meet me in the parking lot after school.”

(At this point, a teacher walks by and overhears the “challenge.”)

Teacher: “You want to fight him in the parking lot? He’s disabled! That’s prejudiced. Fight him in the stairwell, like everyone else!”

(Both I and the other student burst out laughing.)

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Back To The Teacher

Learning | May 6, 2013

(We are in first hour physics class, where the teacher is a known prankster. He has labels on various scientific equipment in the room, such as a replica of the first telescope labeled “electron accelerator,” and the ventilation cabinet for smelly experiments labeled “time machine.” There is a girl in the class who is extremely gullible and the class takes advantage of this often.)

Girl: “Mr. Q, is this really a time machine? How does it work?”

Teacher: “Sure is! Just open the cabinet, stick your head in, and flip the switch. The longer you leave it on, the farther back in time you go.”

Girl: “Cool! Can I try it?”

Teacher: “Absolutely!”

(He gives the rest of the class a look saying “play along” as she gets up, sticks her head in the cabinet, and flips the switch on for about ten seconds. Meanwhile, the schools weekly news program, produced by the students themselves, is starting. Unbeknownst to the class, this week’s episode had technical problems, and they decided to air a repeat from October’s Homecoming week.)

TV: “Good morning [school name] High, and welcome to Homecoming Week!”

Girl: *eyes get huge* “OH MY GOD IT WORKS!”

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