Incidentals Are For The Incidents

Guest: “I don’t see why I have to put a credit card for incidentals. Why do I have to?”

Me: “Well, that’s if you make a long-distance call from your room–“

Guest: “I won’t call!”

Me: “–or order some food–“

Guest: “I won’t order!”

Me: “–or some movies–“

Guest: “I don’t watch movies!”

Me: “–or smoke in the room. We charge a big fee for that. Or if you steal towels, pillows, or blankets–“

Guest: “I don’t do those things!”

Me: “–or if you have a drug-fueled sex orgy and trash up the room.”

Guest: “What kind of place is this?!”

Me: *smile spreading* “A hotel.”

(He eventually gave his card, promising never to return. Only corporate and the owner was sad about that.)