(Imaginary) Bordering On Ridicule

(Restaurants and cafes can pay to have a portion of the sidewalk closed off so they can put chairs and tables there, to enable people to sit outside instead of inside. Of course, as people have fun and time gets later, they might be a noise concern since nobody wants to have people chat and laugh at night.)

Waiter: *to me* “Sir? Please take a step forward.”

(I do.)

Waiter: “Thank you, sir.”

Me: “What … was that about?”

Waiter: “You were outside the designated area of our ‘garden,’ where the distinct possibility exists that you might be a noise disturbance to the people who have their flats here. And of course we do not wish to be the source of any disturbance, sir.”

Me: “And… inside the line I’m not?”

Waiter: “No, sir, inside our ‘garden’ you are not a disturbance when you enjoy your time with us.”

Me: “But… I’m essentially half a foot from where I was before and there is no provision whatsoever that the noise I make would be muffled.”

Waiter: *with INCREDIBLE politeness in the voice* “Sir, I don’t make the law. I only get to ridicule it.”