Don’t Chew The Fat With Me If You Can’t Handle It
(I’ve recently given birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and while I’ve now returned to my job, I haven’t yet managed to shed the weight I put on during my pregnancy.)
Customer: “D***, you’ve really gotten fat!”
Me: *silently checking out his purchases*
Customer: “I mean, I’ve only been coming here for like a year so that is some incredible weight gain!”
Me: *just shrugs and keeps scanning his purchases*
Customer: “So…what’s the deal? Boyfriend left ya? Job getting to ya? Feeling like the only reason for living is to get to the bottom of your third tub of ice cream?”
Me: “That’ll be [price].”
(The customer doesn’t pull out his wallet just yet.)
Customer: “Well, are you gonna answer me, whale?”
Me: “First off, let me ask this: what is your endgame here?”
Customer: “Huh? My what?”
Me: “Your endgame. What do you hope to accomplish by insulting and belittling me here? Because so far all you’re doing is making yourself look like a complete idiot to everyone around you.”
(The customer turns and notices the rest of the line is staring at him, some in shock and some in quiet disdain.)
Customer: “I… uh… well… so you know you’re a fat-a** and do something about it!”
Me: “I am doing something about it. I put on this weight because I was pregnant. Now I’m hitting the gym at least four times a week so I’ll no doubt lose it again.”
Customer: “Well… uh… I dunno, then! I didn’t think you were going to quiz me about this!”
Me: “Your total is still [price].”
Customer: “No! F*** you, fat b****! Now I feel bad and it’s all your fault!”
(He storms off, leaving me to have to void his entire transaction.)
Me: “I apologize for this. It won’t take me more than a minute.”
Next Customer In Line: “How… How did you keep your cool through that?”
Me: “Ten hours of labor and a baby that made every bit of pain totally worth it. After that, it takes a lot more than a moron’s poorly chosen words to hurt me.”
Question of the Week
Have you ever served a bad customer who got what they deserved?