Deranged Marriage

(It is our wedding night. As my husband and I try to go to sleep, we talk to each other.)

Me: “We have been married for eight hours!”

Husband: “I know! You haven’t cooked for me the ENTIRE TIME we have been married!”

Me: “Well, you haven’t taken the trash out the ENTIRE TIME we have been married!”

Husband: “You know what the weirdest thing is, though?”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “Neither of us has pooped the ENTIRE TIME we’ve been married.”

Me: “How do you know?”

Husband: “Well, have you pooped since we got married?”

Me: “No, but—”

Husband: “Neither have I! See, I was right.”

Me: “This is going on Not Always Romantic.”