Dating A Crazy Horse

(I’ve been doing a little naked sunbathing to take advantage of the fact that no one can look into our flat. I get up and walk into the kitchen where my girlfriend is getting a glass of water.)

Girlfriend: “You’ve been eating M&M’s! I can smell them! Also, I was thinking that if you had a Native American name, it would be Long Balls. They’re almost down to your knees!”

Me: “….”

(The sunshine had had a predictable anatomical effect, but honestly, Long Balls?)

Me: “This is going on Not Always Romantic. Immediately.”