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His Students Are So Square

| NM, USA | Learning | November 12, 2013

(My government professor is talking about congressional districts. He draws a square on the board to represent New Mexico.)

Professor: “New Mexico has three dist—”

Student: “You forgot the little notch at the bottom.”

(He adds a single notch to the southeast corner of his square.)

Professor: “New Mexico has—”

Student: “You put it on the wrong side.”

(He erases the old notch and draws a new one at the southwest corner of the state.)

Professor: “New Mex—”

Student: “Wait, there’s supposed to be one more little notch.”

(My professor erases the whole thing and draws a new rectangle.)

Professor: “Colorado has five districts…”

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Pray He Is Only Kidding

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Learning | November 12, 2013

(We are “being taught” about different types of animals.)

Teacher: “Carnivores eat meat.”

(The class all nod their heads.)

Teacher: “Herbivores eat plants.”

(The class all nod their heads.)

Teacher: “Omnivores eat everything: metal, plastic, paper…”

(The class pauses in confusion.)

Teacher: “The only omnivore is a goat.”

Student #1: “What are we then? We eat plants and meat; doesn’t that make us omnivores?”

Teacher: “No! We’re carnivores. The only omnivore is a goat.”

Student #1: “But—”

Teacher: “NO! THE ONLY OMNIVORE IS A GOAT!”

Melon-Chronic

| NY, USA | Learning | November 12, 2013

(I am a student employee at my university’s dining hall. My supervisor, a fellow student, is slicing melons for the salad bar.)

Supervisor: “You know, I’m actually deathly allergic to cantaloupe and honeydew.”

Me: “Really? By consumption, or any contact?”

Supervisor: “Well, if any of the juice gets on my skin I start to get hives.”

Me: “So… that’s got to be a real fun job for you right now.”

Supervisor: “Yep. Of course, I’ve never actually tested it. I’ve always thought of going to the ER and eating cantaloupe in the waiting room just to see what would happen.”

Me: “Well, that’s one way to do it. You’d go to the ER, eat cantaloupe, and if you start dying, you’d be in the right place!”

Supervisor: “Exactly!”

(A few minutes later, she picks up half of a huge honeydew melon. She holds it up over her head and yells to another coworker.)

Supervisor: “Look at the size of this melon! I could wear it as a hat!”

Me: “Except you’d probably die.”

Supervisor: “Yeah, probably.”

Inspiring Despair For Millennia

| Learning | November 12, 2013

graduate-school

Getting Into The (Evil) Spirit Of Things

| Learning | November 12, 2013

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