Coming In Hot!

I work at a sandwich delivery place that is known for being rather fast. We only have a limited selection of sandwiches, none of them hot.

Today is relatively slow and it is just me, my coworker, and my manager getting random things done until the phone rings, at which point I pick it up. I can barely understand this guy; he sounds like an off-screen Peanuts adult.

Customer: “Hey, is this [Sandwich Place]?”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir.”

Customer: “What? I can’t hear you; you have a bad connection.”

Me: “I said yes, it is, sir.”

Customer: “You have a bad connection; I’m going to call back.”

The customer hangs up and I go back to work, thinking it was a one-time thing. A couple of minutes later he rings us up again.

Customer: “Is this [Sandwich Place]?”

Me: “Yes, this is [Sandwich Place] at [Location].”

The customer explains exactly what he wants in one giant run-on sentence with no pauses. The procedure is to ask for his phone number first and then his address to make sure he is within our area. I scribble the order down as best I can.

Me: “All right, sir, what’s the address?”

Customer: “You have a bad connection; I’m gonna call back.”

He hangs up, and I go back to work. By this point, my coworker has noticed and he is laughing. A couple of minutes later, the phone rings and we recognize the number as the same guy, so my manager picks up. The order seems to go smoothly until, again, my manager asks for his address, at which point my manager gently hangs the phone up.

Manager: *Shrugging* “He had a bad connection, apparently.”

We think it’s over until five minutes later this same guy calls back, this time sounding much clearer and on a different phone number. We get through the address fine, so I ask for what sandwich he wants.

Customer: “Can I get a [muffle muffle]?”

Me: “What was that?”

He then speaks as loudly as humanly possible, which ironically makes him even harder to understand.

Customer: “CAN I GET A [MUFFLE MUFFLE]?!”

Me: “Sir, yelling is not going to make you more understandable.”

Customer: *With a familiar tone* “You have a bad—”

I make a desperate guess so as not to repeat this.

Me: “Was that a Philly cheesesteak, sir?”

Customer: “Yes! God, finally!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t serve hot sandwiches. Only cold ones.”

Customer: *Sounding defeated* “You don’t?”

Me: “Nope.”

The customer hung up for the last time. We had a good laugh about it, all that for just a Philly cheesesteak that we don’t have. Next time, I would recommend Subway.