Captioning Live Shows Is A Lottery

(I work for a television company, providing captioning for the deaf. We have two types of captions: live — for live programmes like sport, news, etc. — and file — for pre-recorded programmes like soap operas, drama, etc. The people who press the buttons to make programmes get on your TV are from a department called Playout. The phone rings.)

Me: “Captioning, how can I help?”

Playout: “Hello there. I’m just calling to ask about the lottery results programme this evening.”

Me: “Yes, how can I help?”

Playout: “Can you tell me if this programme is live or pre-recorded?”

Me: “If the lottery results were pre-recorded, pal, I wouldn’t be here to answer the phone.”

Playout: “Oh, um, yes… Thanks. Bye!”

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