Can’t Be Free From Customers Like This

(I worked at a steakhouse that had a limited time special, clearly marked on banners outside; “Kids eat free on Tuesdays, with the purchase of an adult entree!” Sometimes, it could bring out the worst in people.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I get you started with an appetizer or beer?”

Customer: *one adult with two kids* “Uh, yes, we would like your ‘kids eat free’ special, please! Both of the kids will have the child’s steak dinner, medium rare, with baked potato, and does it come with soup or salad?”

Me: “The adult entrees come with soup or salad, so you can share yours with them if you like, or would you like to order an extra for them?”

Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to order anything; I’m not very hungry.”

Me: “I apologize for the confusion. The ‘kids eat free’ deal is with the purchase of an adult entrée.” *I point to the advert on the table, where it repeats the banner*

Customer: “This is how you get the customers? You trick us into coming in saying that kids eat free?!”

Me: “The kids DO get to eat for free. Restaurants would go out of business if they only offered free meals with no purchase required. But with this deal, you save quite a bit! It comes to the equivalent of ‘buy one and get two free.'”

Customer: “Fine! What is the cheapest adult entree you have? And sodas come with their meals, right?”

Me: “Yes, they get a child’s souvenir cup with their choice of drink. And the BBQ chicken is our current special for $9.95. It does come with soup, too.”

Customer: “Child’s cup size? Can we just get it in a larger size so you don’t have to make as many trips?”

Me: *looking at the three- and four-year-olds* “The adult glasses are fairly large and heavy. For young children we have plastic, non-spill cups.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have that, and more of your free bread, like, two more loaves for now. And I’ll have a water to drink.”

(When I bring her the sixth refill on both kid’s drinks and her soup, there are crackers on the dish.)

Customer: “I didn’t order crackers! Take those off my bill!”

Me: “Ma’am, like the bread, we don’t charge for crackers.”

Customer: “Really? They are free? In that case, I’d like more, like, a lot more!”

(The customer continued that way the entire evening. In the end, after running me ragged with countless refills of the “kids” sodas and anything free, she then emptied out the sugar caddy, stole the condiments from the table, and left EXACT change for the bill. When the manager and I watched her pack the kids in her Porsche Cayenne, we noticed her take out of her HUGE purse a ton of water bottles filled with soda and resealable bags full of loaves and crackers. She later called to complain, saying that the meal was unsatisfactory and she would like an additional dinner for three on us.)