Cancelling Your Cancellation Stunt

(I work as a ride-share driver. If someone requests a ride but cancels it after a certain amount of time but before they are picked up, they get charged a cancellation fee of $5. This is to make sure the drivers still get paid for their time and gas when they travel to pick someone up. If a driver cancels a ride for any reason, the rider is not charged the fee. To get around this, some riders will call the driver and ask them to cancel for them. I have just traveled 15 minutes to pick up a rider. As soon as I pull up to the address, they call me.)

Rider #1: “Hello! Hey, can you hear me?”

Me: “Hey, I’m right outside.”

Rider #1: “I am having trouble with my phone!” *hangs up*

(I wait two more minutes before calling them back.)

Me: “Hey, I’m at your address. Are you here?”

Rider #1: “I put the address in wrong. I’m actually a few blocks away. Can you cancel so I can request the ride again?”

Me: “You can update your location in the app. I’d be happy to meet you where you are to pick you up.”

Rider #1: *to someone else in the background* “He said he will come to get us here. What do I do?”

(Suddenly, someone else is on the phone.)

Rider #2: “Um, hello? Yeah, the app won’t let me change the address, so can you just cancel the ride?”

Me: “That’s fine. Just cancel through the app.”

Rider #2: “Oh, um, it won’t let me do that, either. Can’t you just cancel it?”

Me: *feigning concern* “Oh, no! Have you tried contacting [App] tech support? They can help you through everything.”

Rider #2: *pause* “You should probably just cancel. What if someone else requests a ride?”

Me: “I’m happy to wait until you get everything straightened out.”

Rider #2: “OH, F*** YOU!”

(About thirty seconds after the call ended I was able to mark them as a no-show, and they got charged the cancellation fee, anyway.)