A Brain The Size Of A Jelly Bean

, , , | Right | June 15, 2017

Customer: “Where are the jelly beans?”

Me: “Jelly beans are right this way.”

(I take her to the candy aisle and show her the selection.)

Me: “Would you like [Popular Brand], or [Store Brand]?”

Customer: “No, those aren’t jelly beans.”

(It’s hard to abide by “the customer is always right” here, because, well… something either IS a jelly bean or it ISN’T.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Well, can you describe to me what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Jelly beans. The ones I bought before didn’t come in all those colors.”

Me: “So they were all one flavor, not mixed?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am; we only carry the mixed ones.”

Customer: “They were bigger than those! I bought them last week!”

(I start to assume there’s some sort of confusion, and begin showing her various gummies: gummy melons, bears, fish, etc. To my amusement, several other guests have begun assisting me in my quest for “jelly beans,” as the customer grows more impatient.)

Customer: “A-ha! I found them. These are the jelly beans, young lady.”

(She has picked up a bag of chocolate candies.)

Me: “They were chocolate, foil wrapped, with the little flag?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, sorry about that. Well, happy holidays, ma’am.”

(She later complained to the manager about my lack of product knowledge.)

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  • Katherine Alice Thompson

    Chocolate-dipped raisins?

    • Scott Rivers

      Nah, Hershey’s Kisses. About as far away from “jelly beans” as you can go before you hit lawn furniture.

      • Michelle

        Nah, I’ve been told that lawn furniture can be quite tasty…

        • Mushroom

          That’s carpet samples, Michelle. …Er, okay. πŸ™‚

        • Chris B

          Try some bamboo with stir fry. πŸ˜€

      • Andrew Getting

        Lawn furniture comes in similar colors.

  • mcarp555

    Sounds like Hersey Kisses, with the little ‘flag’ on them. I’d have to compare them to some actual jelly beans and say, “So, to help me out in the future, which ones say ‘Jelly Beans’ on them again, Madam?”

  • sackes

    Of course you lack product knowledge. Don’t you know that you must know every designation ever made up for each one of your products in sale and all others?

    • Roq

      It is common knowledge that people in retail are a special species with mind reading abilities who should be expected to know literally everything but also don’t deserve respect because they’re probably dropouts.

      • Michelle

        They’re also not struggling to pay off massive student debts for their doctorates…

        • Ophelia

          To them, they believe that the moment you get a degree, you’ll be able to get any position in the field of your major, which will pay you enough to not have to worry about debts, and to some of them, they believe college is still cheap enough that you won’t rack up any debt. Might have actually been true in the past.

          Also an element of classism to it: Someone with wealthy parents might not have needed to pay off those student loans and would never have had a need to go into low-paying jobs because their parents were the cushion they needed. And they won’t realize people who aren’t wealthy will need to pay off those college fees somehow, and people who aren’t influential and powerful won’t necessarily get a high-paying job the day they graduate.

  • SS

    “I’m glad you found them, ma’am. Can you show me the jellybean label on them so I can remember for future customers?”

  • Cave Johnson

    I just…how? They aren’t even remotely “jelly” or “beans.”

    • Vulpis

      They’re combustible lemons! (That makes just as much sense, after all..)

      • Jay

        Life, you are providing terrible customer service. I demand to see your manager.

    • Hahn Ackles

      Maybe they are moon rocks?

    • Marquess Squidface

      Sometimes when you’re /really really stupid/, it’s hard not to mistake ‘jelly’ for ‘chocolate’ and ‘bean’ for ‘kiss’.

  • Cody Ranney

    “You embarrassed me by telling me those weren’t jelly beans when I thought they were, so now I’m going to make your life miserable because I know your boss is more incompetent than I am.”

  • Ophelia

    I would have imagined jelly beans would be easy to identify even to someone who’s never heard of them before, as they’re made of jelly and are shaped like beans. Where did she even get the idea that Kisses are jelly beans?

    • Huck Perry

      maybe from someone who calls them “jelly beans” I guess :p lol

      • Probably the same person who wanted “skidders” instead of scissors, although this one makes even less sense.

  • arglebargle

    Customer: β€œNo, those aren’t jelly beans.”

    Wordlessly point to the words “Jelly Beans”

  • Elle Wayne

    This customer MUST have just been looking to torture some poor employee for no reason other than her sadistic tendencies. Right…right? No one in the US could possibly not know what chocolate is or think that the consistency and shape of Hershey’s Kisses are jelly or bean-like. Right?!?! *headache*

    • You’re trying to make sense and you know that’s not allowed. No jelly beans for you!

  • PsychoFox

    I’ve never had an issue educating customers about something like this, which prevents complaints. Something like “Oh, just so you know, people who typically work in candy shops are gonna call these XXXX, as we refer to these other things as Jelly Beans. Next time if you ask for XXXX, the person can probably find it for you faster.”
    Not sure if it is method of delivery or what, but I’ve never had anyone come back at me for being wrong, or complain about me after explaining something that way. Don’t make them feel stupid, make like you’re helping them out.

    Letting them just go is gonna mean someone else is gonna have the same issue next time.

    • Ophelia

      I think you’re more lucky than anything. The people featured here would not listen to what you have to say. They’re too stubborn and prideful to acknowledge that they’re wrong or their knowledge is incomplete. The first thing needed for that explanation to work is the willingness to listen, and the second thing needed is the open-mindedness to accept that they might be doing it incorrectly. Essentially, to place new information into someone’s head, that person needs to let it in. Most people here who’ve worked in retail can honestly tell you they’ve found at least one customer who won’t even listen.

      My aunt is like that–she doesn’t like the thought that she doesn’t know everything and will get mad at anyone who tries to inform her of anything, regardless of what it is. She’s been in the United States for over 30 years and still speaks like an ESL student, for instance, because she actively refuses to learn any more English than she already has. She’s convinced herself that her English is perfect and that everyone else is bad at it.

      • Abigail Hermione Irwin

        Yep, exactly. Some people take correction well; this idiot sounds like one of the ones who does not and would be only too happy to continue to insist that the OP doesn’t know what a jelly bean is.

        • Denton Young

          In that case, a few whacks upside the head with a clue by four might help her understand that she’s in the wrong.

      • Andrew Getting

        There was a prior customer who insisted that since she called cashews peanuts, the employees should know this and place them accordingly.

  • Abigail Hermione Irwin

    I sure wouldn’t have apologized.
    “Oh … I see.”
    *blank stare*

    What did your boss say when you explained the whole story?

  • Blaine Wheeler

    It really should be legal to slap people that are this stupid..

  • Mushroom

    That customer deserved a Kiss. Preferably to the side of the head with a tire iron. Now you have me wondering what the manager said or thought when the customer held up Hershey’s Kisses and claimed you didn’t know they were jelly beans. (And you don’t wanna eat what she thinks are Jujubees.)

    • Cally

      A Glasgow kiss, otherwise known as a headbutt.

  • Chris B

    Classic narcissist. Can never admit when they’re wrong.

  • Anthony Christopher

    The customer is always right until they’re factualy wrong. I wouldn’t end the interaction with the customer until she acknowledged that what she wanted was, in fact, chocolate.

  • Cally

    Damit, now I want jelly beans. Oh! I just bought some yesterday!

  • Scot MrSpellcheck Rogers

    Clearly her doctor told her “no more chocolate” and this is the work-around she came up with. πŸ˜‰

    • Nightshade1972

      I’m reminded of the diabetic lady who swore to her doctor that she was doing everything right, but her sugars were still always very elevated. The woman’s husband finally convinced her to tell her doctors about the “slushies” she liked to order from a local fast food place. She was convinced that, because they were fruit slushies, there couldn’t possibly be anything harmful in them. In fact, they were loaded with sugar. When the woman stopped drinking the slushies, her sugar went down to manageable levels.

  • Jackie Fauxe

    aka “candy beans” if you’re a Bluth

  • JDP

    I know it prooobably wouldn’t have sunk in, but I really wish you had told her, “No, those are not jelly beans. They are Hershey’s kisses.”

  • Lord Circe

    I hate this attitude. “Well, my name for them is ______” You might use the wrong name or pronunciation, but 99% of the population disagrees with it, which means that you are wrong!

    • Denton Young

      A Gillooly stick to the knees a few times helps the lesson sink in that they’re the one in the wrong.

  • Matt Westwood

    Am I alone in thinking that people who think it’s worth making a royal fuss over a misunderstanding over the names of items of confectionery don’t have enough in their lives to keep them occupied?

  • Lucky Vine

    And you couldn’t simply point out the names on the labels because…?

    Also, who thought it was necessary to censor out Hershey’s Kisses? There is literally NO way anyone can get sued or fired for merely mentioning them by name.

  • Holly

    At least she didn’t insist that they come in a can and are used for making chili.

  • Now there’s a customer who needs to kiss off.

  • Denton Young

    I hope the manager told her she was a blithering idiot to not know the difference between chocolates and jelly beans.

  • Paprika Girl

    I always fantasize about such people getting told off by their SO or family, shaming them in front of everyone. It’s so satisfying to imagine that – inevitable – moment!

  • Amy Susan Fisher

    Then she goes to the seafood department and wants some lobsters, and when shown the lobsters she says, “Those aren’t lobsters, those are crabs! Where are the lobsters?”

  • Lil Tiger
  • Sara van der Merwe

    What does this woman think “jelly bean” means? Does she know what jelly is? Does she know what a bean is? I don’t think she does.