Be Sure To Ask For Frickin Laser Beams

(I’m refilling a bunch of buckets with pet food when a customer approaches. He’s dressed entirely in black, has long hair, and an intimidatingly large beard. I have previously seen him staring at snakes for a while.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering, which pet would you recommend for an evil overlord?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, for the aspiring world dominator. I want something that looks evil and intimidating… something that can tear my enemies to shreds!”

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, sir, the most vile animals we have would be those kittens over there and I don’t think they’re quite big enough to kill someone.”

Customer: *completely serious* “What about sharks?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. We don’t have the space for such a big aquarium in here.”

Customer: “Well, d***. I don’t suppose you have lions or Siberian tigers, then?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “D*** right you’re afraid! When I’m your master, I’ll come back with an army of battle-hamsters and feed you to them!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I’m looking forward to that.”

(He leaves the shop, but only after buying three hamsters.)

This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

Read the next Hamster Roundup story!

Read the Hamsters Roundup!