Be Sure To Ask For Frickin Laser Beams

| Right | November 1, 2011

(I’m refilling a bunch of buckets with pet food when a customer approaches. He’s dressed entirely in black, has long hair, and an intimidatingly large beard. I have previously seen him staring at snakes for a while.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering, which pet would you recommend for an evil overlord?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, for the aspiring world dominator. I want something that looks evil and intimidating…something that can tear my enemies to shreds!”

Me: “Uh…I’m sorry, sir, the most vile animals we have would be those kittens over there and I don’t think they’re quite big enough to kill someone.”

Customer: *completely serious* “What about sharks?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. We don’t have the space for such a big aquarium in here.”

Customer: “Well, d***. I don’t suppose you have lions or siberian tigers, then?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “D*** right you’re afraid! When I’m your master, I’ll come back with an army of battle-hamsters and feed you to them!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I’m looking forward to that.”

(He leaves the shop, but only after buying three hamsters.)


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