Assassinating Bad Attitudes

(I work for a karate school picking up the kids, doing general cleaning, and then watching them after class till their parents come. Most of the kids have behavior issues. They are between six and nine. The dojo has taught them that the highest belt is the leader. Also note: I’m a 115 lb white woman who looks way younger than I am. First day:)

Usually Troubled Boy: “We don’t have to listen to you! What belt are you?”

Me: “I don’t have a belt. I was taught by a MOSSAD buddy!” *not a total lie… I married one and have learned, like, three moves* “I killed a man with THIS THUMB!” *total lie*

(After waiting for parents to show up I was tackled by all eight kids but took a stance to stay upright and just let them whack at me to the point of them biting my ankles while I give a look of “I’m sorry, are you doing something?”)

Frustrated Little Girl: “How are you not falling down!?”

Me: “Skills, darling.”

Usually Troubled Boy: *when his mom came* “MOM! THIS IS MISS [My Name]! SHE’S AN ASSASSIN!”

(Mom gave me a look and I just shot the “I dunno” look back. They never gave me problems again and if I even twitched an eyebrow they were silent. The troubled boy even became the sweetest one next to me. I miss those kids.)