When Incompetence Is Preferable To Incontinence

(We are vendors working at a hotel trying to get it set up. One of my coworkers, who is an older man, disappears and is gone for at least 45 minutes, leaving the rest of us really irritated. When he comes back, he looks haggard.)

Us: “Dude, what happened?”

Coworker: “I missed it by half-a-second.”

Us: “…What?”

Coworker: “Well, I had to go number two, and I missed by half-a-second. Just about got my pants off, and didn’t quite make it. It just went everywhere, and my stall was out of toilet paper… so… I had to get up and try to sneak over to the sink with my pants around my ankles. When, all of a sudden I look up, and I see the cleaning guy staring at me wide-eyed. He shook his head, saying, “No, no!” and ran out.”

(At this point we really wished he was joking, but this coworker has a history of bathroom issues.)

Coworker: “I cleaned up the entire stall, threw away my drawers and walked out the bathroom. Right beside the door was a bench, and there was the cleaning man sitting there still shaking his head. I told him don’t worry about it; I got it.”

Us: “What did the cleaning man say?”

Coworker: “He said, ‘YOU CLEANED ALL THAT?!'”