Immaculate Misconception, Part 6

(I am 16 and a virgin. I’ve caught a nasty virus that has forced me to miss a week of work. When, I return to work, I speak to my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “You missed an important meeting, you know. You better have been dying.”

Me: “Um, sorry. I don’t know if I was dying, but I couldn’t stand up.”

Coworker #1: “Are you pregnant?”

Me: “…What? No.”

Coworker #1: “If you been puking for a week, you’re probably pregnant.”

Me: “It wasn’t really about puking. It was about the high fever and dizziness.”

Coworker #1: “But you’re probably pregnant.”

Me: “No, I’m really not. Unless I’m giving birth to the next Christ child.”

Coworker #1: *snorts* “Yeah, sure. More like the Antichrist.” *walks away*

Me: “Did you hear what she just said to me?”

Supervisor: “If you’re pregnant, that really wasn’t a good enough reason to miss work.”

Me: “Like I tried to make clear, I’m a virgin.”

Supervisor: “Sure you are…”

(After my supervisor walks away, another coworker, Coworker #2, speaks up.)

Coworker #2: “Don’t worry. They’ll be sorry when you give birth to the son of God. Your kid would smite people who talked to you like that, right?”