Warp Factor Golden Brown

(I’m visiting my mother and her fiancé. I’m eating breakfast, while they’re both browsing the Internet.)

Mom’s Fiancé: “I found the toaster I want.”

(Points to the glass toaster on his computer screen. Said toaster is made by Bugatti, a company better known for its fast sports cars.)

Me: “That must be one fast toaster. I wonder if you get speeding tickets using it?”

Mom’s Fiancé: “That toaster is so fast, Kirk would no longer say, ‘Warp six, Mr. Sulu.’ He’d say, ‘Toast, Mr. Sulu.’ ”

Me: “But that makes it sound like you’re going to put Sulu in the toaster!”

Mom’s Fiancé: “Eh. He’s not a red shirt, he’ll be okay.”

Me: “Yeah, but then he’d be red all over!”

Mom: *laughing* “This is a weird conversation.”

Me: “This is an awesome conversation!”