(Note: My family runs very heavily to boys, with a ratio of about 3:1 of boys to girls for my grandparent’s progeny. I have a rescue dog who came to me already named, and I didn’t bother to change it).

Grandma: I have six grandsons and great-grandsons named (Grandpa’s name), but there’s no one named after me!

Me: My little dog’s name is (dog’s name). That’s a nickname of (Grandma’s name), right? We can always claim that she was named after you.

Grandma: (Thinks for a moment) You know, that’s okay.

(I was on vacation with my parents and my grandparents for the holiday’s one year. To get the rooms cheaper, my parents had to go to a Time Share Presentation. My parents are both in their early 40’s and my mom started losing the color in her hair earlier in adulthood because of genetics. My mother usually dyes her hair back to it’s original color (brownish black) so her she looks younger. That morning how ever, she had to get up early for the presentation and didn’t have time to do so. After the presentation, while I was out with my brother and grandparents, my parents caught up to us. My mom was obviously furious.)

Mom: The sales man called me old!

(She explained that he was very young and he told them he was the guy that usually just giving the presentation, not the salesperson, which he was today.)

Mom: He kept saying how we were almost his dads age! (His father was in his late 50’s.) And how the time share would be good because we’ll be retiring soon!! He also said it’d be good for the grandchildren!! (I’m the eldest child and am no where near old enough to enjoy having kids.)

Dad: Once we got back to the hotel she wouldn’t let us leave until she colored her hair and put on makeup.

(My mom is still mad about what the sales guy said.)

(I am in Ninth grade, in Biology. My teacher tends to be the really rude type, not exactly strict, though really dumb at times while trying to be serious.)

Me: “I got a low score on this quiz, can I have a retake?”

Teacher: “No retakes on ANY quizzes!”

Me: “…”

*The whole class just stares at the teacher as this is said.*

(Funnily enough, the syllabus she handed out said we could have retakes, and only a couple minutes later, she says we can have a retake. This flabbergasts almost everyone in the room.)

(In our school, there’s this Family Fun Day thing, it’s a carnival at school where we can invite our families to come. Anyway, I accidentally spilled my soup at dinner and my parents were shouting at me)

Mom:You should’ve been more careful! That’s not lady-like at all

Me:Family Fun Day is this weekend and NONE OF YOU ARE INVITED!

Mom:(frowned and looked down)

(I work in a consignment store where customers bring in their unwanted clothes, shoes, accessories, and housewares. We often get a lot of customers that don’t understand that what you see is what you get. Store policy dictates that after a certain price, shoes are put one on the floor and one behind the counter where we keep everything expensive. A man walks over with several pairs of shoes missing their pairs while I’m at the register.)

Man: *Mumbles something in a heavy Russian accent*

Me: *assuming he wants the pairs to the shoes he has, i answer.* You want the pairs? Alright…

(I turn to grab the pairs to the shoes the man is holding when he very roughly reaches OVER the counter and grabs my arm.

Man: NO! I need these shoes in my size. I am [size]

Me: *I pull away from his grip* I apologize sir, but we only have the shoes you’re holding. We don’t have multiple pairs of every shoe we bring in.

Man: *getting agitated* I can SEE more pairs! Look!

(He points at the single shoes behind the counter, the pairs to the ones he’s still holding)

Me: sir, I’m sorry but those are the matches to the shoes you’re holding. We have more shoes in the men’s section that might fit you.

Man: *absolutely furious* LIAR! You’re trying to SCAM ME! I SEE THOSE SHOES! I’m not an IDIOT!

(The man continues to berate me, and one of my coworkers approaches. Before she can get close enough, the man physically throws the shoes at me, one of which ended up bruising my side. I begin to tear up and he storms away towards the men’s section, where he begins to yell again. My manager ended up having to escort him out. Luckily i haven’t seen him since!)