They’re At A Loss For Your Words

I am a former call centre drone here. I have lived in Canada for thirty years and went to university in Canada for a degree in English Literature. However, I still have an accent and it gets more pronounced when I’m stressed.

Now and then I get:

Caller: “Get me someone who speaks English!”

This is particularly when I am telling someone that no, I cannot do the thing you want me to do. In these cases, I channel Conrad Black (awful man, known for his pretentious vocabulary): 

Me: “I assure you, ma’am, that I am utterly competent and fluent in the English language, as demonstrated by the irrefutable fact that we have been conversing in the Bard’s tongue for the last half hour. However, if my discourse is incomprehensible to you, I’m amiable to your suggestion of deploying the assistance of another colleague who may be better equipped to assist you. Would that be to your satisfaction?”