These Customers Come But Once A Year

(The restaurant I work at is closed Thanksgiving and Christmas, and has been doing so for 20 years. Every year, we get at least one call the day after each complaining. It is December 26th.)

Caller: “Hi. I tried coming to your restaurant yesterday but the lights were all out, the doors were locked, and nobody answered your phones!”

Me: “We were closed yesterday.”

Caller: “But you guys are never closed on Christmas!”

Me: “Sir, we’ve been closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving every year since we opened.”

Caller: “Liar! I DEMAND to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sir, I am currently the only one in right now. I can give you the owner’s number if you like.”

Caller: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK TO THE OWNER! I WANT A MANAGER!”

Me: “I am the manager on duty. If you call back at about 11, the mid-shift manager will be in and you can speak with him if you don’t want to speak to me.”

Caller: “I want free food because you people locked the doors and wouldn’t let me in yesterday!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t give you free food because you came by on one of the two days of the year we are closed.”

Caller: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Do you work somewhere that closes on certain days?”

Caller: “Yeah! I work for the bank!”

Me: “So, if I called in on a Monday and demanded free services because I had come by the Sunday before and you were closed, what would you do?”

Caller: “I would laugh at you and hang up.”

Me: “Well, then, I guess that’s as good a plan as any.”

(I laugh at him and hang up.)

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