The Twilight Of The Undead

(My boyfriend of 10 years and I are driving home when I decide to ask the infamous zombie question. He is originally American and has moved to Canada to be with me.)

Me: “So, if I were bitten by a zombie, would you shoot me?”

Boyfriend: “What would you like me to do if you were bitten by a zombie?”

Me: “That’s not what I asked. Just tell me what you’d do if I were bitten?”

Boyfriend: “Well, you could put that in your living will so if the situation ever came up we’d be prepared.”

Me: “That’s actually a great idea! We should so do that!”

Boyfriend: “Okay, but I’m putting a clause in mine in the event robots take over.”

Me: “Fine, but you still haven’t said whether you’d shoot me if I was zombified!”

Boyfriend: “This is Canada. How am I supposed to shoot you when I can’t get a gun anywhere?!”

Me: “Ye gods. You can use other killing tools! Would you do it?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, I guess I’d let you bite me so we could be together forever.”

Me: “Hmm, I wonder if I would kill you if you were a zombie?”

Boyfriend: “Please… you’d kill me if I left the toilet seat up.”

Me: “True… but I wouldn’t kill you if you were a vampire!”

Boyfriend: “Because you’d want to live with me forever?”

Me: “No, because as a vampire I’d still be me and I don’t care if then I have to eat people. God knows there are enough a**holes around for that…”