The Purr-fect Treatment

(My husband has come down with a cold, and is really congested. He is kind of mopey and a little bit whiney. Also note, we have two cats, neither of which is very cuddly.)

Me: *walking up to him* “Maybe the healing power of my boobs will help your face feel better. Want to try?”

Husband: “Yeah, let’s try that.” *leans forward, pressing his head into my chest* “You know what this is missing? Purring. Please purr for me.”

Me: *tries purring* “It’s not working. It’s coming out like a pigeon coo.”

Husband: “Get a cat. We need the healing properties of cat purrs, and you’re not working right.”

Me: “Wait, you’re going to press your face against my boobs, as well as a cat?”

Husband: “Yeah, if I tilt my head to the side, it’ll work! Cat here:” *points to one side of his face* “…and a cat here:” *points to the other side of his face*

Me: “And breathing?”

Husband: “That’s not going well as is, so, well, maybe I can get away with skipping it.”