The Nightmare Before Christmas

(I currently live in Orange County, California. The rest of my family still lives at my family home in Pennsylvania. Every year I make the trip back to visit them. Every year my brother and dad try to outdo themselves and find a bigger Christmas tree. Three years ago they found one that was 16 feet tall. All the neighbors were jealous and a few came over to ‘Christmas carol’ at our house, which was basically an excuse for them to gawk at our tree. After the last group of Christmas carollers came over, we decide to make our own rounds around the neighborhood and bring the gift of Christmas song back to those who had given it to us. There is about two and a half feet of snow on the ground.)

Me: “It’s really cold out here.”

Brother: “Suck it up. Just because you live in California doesn’t make you better than me.”

Me: “Yes, it does. I’m actually the superstar of the family now.”

Brother: “Bite me.”

Me: “Why are my feet so cold?”

Mom: “Maybe you should have put on shoes.”

Me: “I am wearing shoes!”

Mom:*looks at my feet* “Honey, those are socks.”

Me: “Oh…”

(We knock on our neighbor’s door and they open.)

Brother: “Trick or Treat!”

Me: “Wrong holiday, bro.”

Brother: “Maybe they say ‘bro’ in California but we are in Pennsylvania now. I demand that you refer to me as your ‘widdle brudder.”’”

Neighbor: “Would you like to come inside?”

Brother: “Yes, because the super star of the family forgot to wear shoes.”

Me: “But I did remember socks so I think I should get credit for my effort.”

(We go inside and attempt to sing a song. However, all six of us are singing different songs and none of us can remember the words. Then our dog peed on their Christmas tree. We have never had anyone come over to check out our tree since.)