Santa Cause And Effect

(I am four years old and normally a very shy child. My mother has brought me to a ‘Breakfast with Santa’ function at a department store. Santa is inviting children up on stage to sing a song.)

Mom: “Go up there!”

Me: “I don’t want to.”

Mom: “I said, go up there and sing!”

(I make my way up to the stage with my head down. Santa hands me the microphone. My mind goes completely blank. Then, suddenly, I belt out a song I heard my mother singing the other day.)

Me: “JINGLE BELLS! SHOT-GUN SHELLS! BULLETS IN THE AIR! OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO SEE, GRANDPA’S UNDERWEAR!”

(The audience explodes laughing. I look over to see my mother with her head down on our table, hiding her face. She never forced me to get on a stage again!)