The License Plate Is TARD15

(I work for a very well-known retailer delivering groceries to customers at home. Some customers don’t quite understand the process that follows to get their shopping to them and seem to think my van is bigger on the inside… This happened to me today.)

Me: “Good morning. It’s bad news today. I’m afraid five of the items you ordered were not available. You haven’t been charged for them.”

(One of the missing items is apples, which the customer appears to value above all else.)

Customer: “You’re telling me that you haven’t got any apples on that van to give me?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know it’s very odd that the store would have no apples at all, but I’m afraid I can only give you what I have.”

Customer: “No… I mean you must have some apples on the van, right?”

Me: “Uh, well it’s possible there are some in another order but I can’t just give you those. They belong to someone else.”

Customer: “Nope, that’s not how it works. It’s first come first served. That’s why I pick the early delivery slot.”

(I’m still not quite sure what the customer is getting at here and assume he thinks the early slot means his shopping was picked earlier.)

Me: “Ah, not always I’m afraid. The pick team picks the shopping somewhat randomly.”

Customer: “Look, you must be an idiot. You have apples on your van, right?”

Me: “Uh, perhaps, but they are—”

Customer: “SO GIVE THEM TO ME!”

Me: “I can’t; that would be theft. Those items are allocated to other customers.”

Customer: *getting quite angry now* “No, that’s not how it works. You come to my house, pick out my shopping, and give it to me. If it’s on the van, it’s mine! FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”

(I suddenly realise what he is getting at.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have been misinformed. We do not carry around all the items stocked by [Company] and pick them upon arrival at the customer house. Your shopping is picked on the morning of your delivery date in store at [Location]. I couldn’t carry around the whole range that [Company] stocks, since we have over 10,000 items. It would never fit on the van.”

(The customer seems to suddenly realise the logistical impossibility of this… goes very quiet, and his face turns bright red.)

Customer: “Well, I shall be complaining to customer service about this. It’s unacceptable.”

(He proceeds to rapidly take his shopping indoors, signs for his order, and slams the door in my face.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day!