(I’m female and on holiday with an old friend (male), plus his mother, sister, her daughter, and the daughter’s baby. I’ve been on holiday with my friend and his mum before, but it’s the first time I’ve ever met his sister and niece. Happily, we get on well. The previous day, his mum tripped and fell on a hard floor, fortunately only bruising herself. My bedroom was next to hers and the following morning, she came in, hitched up her nightie, and asked me to apply a dressing to her hip, which I did. That evening, I’m playing a game with my friend and his sister.)

Me: “Oh, by the way, I’m definitely family now. This morning I stuck a plaster on your mum’s arse.”

(They both laughed and agreed with me.)

(For our first anniversary, I have taken my wife on a surprise trip. I have managed to keep her oblivious to the destination to keep it a surprise thanks to booking a private ship. We finally come out of hyperspace and start our descent towards the planet.)

Me: “Honey, we’re here.”

Wife: *excited* “Where are we?”

Me: “Look out the window; you’re allowed to now.”

(My wife hurries over to the viewing window with perfect timing, as our ship is flying over the royal palace of Alderaan. The sun is setting and the view is extremely romantic.)

Wife: “Oh, [My Name]! We’re on Alderaan!”

Me: “Anything for you, my dear. ”

Wife: “It’s all so beautiful! Look, even the moon is out! It’s so pretty!”

Me: “Moon? Alderaan doesn’t have any moons.”

Wife: “Up there, in the sky! It’s so romantic!”

(I go over to see what she is pointing at.)

Me: “Uh… yeah, honey! That’s a moon ordered up especially for you! Extra romantic and all!”

Wife: “Oh, honey! You thought of everything! Look, the moon is even sending us fireworks!”

(I am on holiday with a large group of family and friends. My sister, my mother, and I know just enough French to be polite and ask if people speak English. We are looking for a certain store.)

Me: *in French* “Excuse me, do you speak English?”

Person: “Yes, can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I was wondering where [Store] is?”

(They give me directions, I thank them in French, and we find the store. Later, we meet back up with our group and several of them seem angry.)

Friend: “No one would help us! They just looked at us like we were idiots and walked away!”

Me: “What were you asking?”

Friend: “How to get to [well known fast food restaurant]!”

Me: “…in English?”

Friend: “Of course!”

Me: “Yeah, they wouldn’t help you.”

Friend: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because we’re in France? They speak French and find it really rude when you don’t attempt to speak their language?”

Friend: “Ugh, that doesn’t make any sense.”

(The worst part: these are the type of people that get angry when they hear anyone back home speak anything but English…)

(I’m vacationing with a friend of mine who had surgery and cancer treatment a few years earlier due to a small brain tumor. Because she has her hair in a short pony tail, my friend’s scar in the back of her neck is clearly visible. Although she has gotten a few sympathetic looks and a couple of questions about the scar, most people ignore it or doesn’t take much notice. We’re on a guided sightseeing bus tour, when the lady sitting behind us decides to speak up.)

Rude Lady: “Excuse me, could you please move seats?”

Friend: “What? Why?”

Rude Lady: “There’s an hour left of this tour, and I’d rather not spent it having to stare at that horrendous scar of yours! Why would you even show that off?!”

(People have started to stare. This is the first time anyone has ever yelled at her for her scar, and as she is conflict-shy, I get ready to defend her, but she speaks up before I have the chance to.)

Friend: “I’m sorry you feel uncomfortable, but that’s not my problem. If you don’t want to look at my scar, you can change seats yourself, or just look away. Yes, I have a scar, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Next time I have a cancerous brain tumor, I’ll make sure to let the surgeons know to not leave a scar so I don’t offend random strangers on the bus.”

(Some of the other passengers applauded my friend, and the rude lady ended up leaving the tour.)

(My family have bought a Taboo game to play on holiday. Though we’ve played it before many times, some of us still have trouble with it. Some examples:)

Mum: “We should do a practice round.”

Me: “Okay. You’re on my team.”

Mum: “Okay.” *picks a card, then very deliberately says* “Ribbons.”

Me: “…What?”

Mum: “Ribbons. Oh, wait.”

Me: “Did you just tell me the word on the card?! Seriously?!”

(Another round: my brother has the word ‘bait’ on his card and tries to explain it.)

Brother: “Okay… so, you have crabs.”

Dad: *indignantly* “You might have!”

(Another try: My dad gets the name of a famous boxer on his card.)

Dad: “Okay, he ‘floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee?'”

Brother: “Err…”

Dad: “‘Floated like a butterfly,’ come on!”

Brother: “Err… Julius Caesar!”

Me: *facepalm*

(I’m sure we’ll get the hang of it eventually.)