I Propose A Crossword

| Romantic | October 1, 2012

(We have been doing crossword puzzles together even before we started dating. We are on our one year anniversary trip as boyfriend and girlfriend, sitting on the beach drinking mimosas and doing the crossword puzzle.)

Boyfriend: “Why don’t we try the other crossword puzzle?”

Me: “Really? It’s Saturday. The New York Times one will be hard. We’ll probably only get 1!”

(As I’m saying this, I’m turning to the puzzle and see that there is already writing on it. As I focus, I see that it says ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME?’ Of course I said yes!)

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Directly Incorrect

| Related | September 24, 2012

(My mom, me, and some friends are on holiday in Brittany. We rent a little house which we had lived in the previous year. My mom decides we should walk to the beach the first day and chooses the direct path. We have to climb a fence, wade through pretty thick and smelly mud and cross a cow paddock on the way. Our dog is enjoying herself immensely, but she is the only one.)

Mom: “I don’t understand. This must be the way to the beach. We took the same path last year.”

Me: “I know, Mom. It was the wrong path then, too…”

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Something Smells Really Fishy

, | Related | August 31, 2012

(My wife and I are on a road trip out to Temecula, CA, where my parents-in-law are living. At the end of our vacation, my father-in-law will come back with us to Colorado. He loves seafood, and is worried that it will cost too much and not be fresh in Colorado.)

Father-in-law: “I just bought these fresh fish at the market here. Can I bring them back with us to Colorado so I have something to eat there?”

Me: “Well, we only have this small cooler that can fit a few water bottles. Plus, we are stopping in Las Vegas for the night so it will have to keep for two days while we drive. I doubt the fish will make it that long.”

(He argues with me a little, but in the end my wife tells him no. He makes a few fish sandwiches to eat on the road and I think that is the end of it. We drive to Las Vegas; it is August and around 100 degrees out, so we have the AC blowing the whole way. In Las Vegas, we check into our room and my father-in-law checks into his. About half an hour later, we hear a knock on our door.)

Father-in-law: “There is an awful stench in my room! I have to get a new room!”

(We follow him to his room. A terrible odor is emanating from the room. Inside, we see the fish he had originally asked to bring along sitting on the air conditioner. The air conditioner is blowing on high, spreading the smell throughout the hotel room.)

Wife: “What did you do?!”

Father-in-law: “Well, I had put that fish in my bag because you wouldn’t let me put it in the cooler. When I took it out, it smelled a little funny, and since there was no refrigerator in here, I put it on the air conditioner to cool it down!”

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The Signal Of A Bad Driver

| Related | August 3, 2012

(My teenage sister and I are on vacation with our grandparents in Hawaii. I am 18, and have my driver’s license, but my grandfather refuses to let me drive, as it is clearly unsafe to let someone so young behind the wheel.)

Grandpa: “Let’s go drive around the island. There are some beaches I want you girls to see.”

(We get in the car, and he allows me to sit in the front passenger seat. This is fortunate, because he decides that he is going to drive in the wrong lane so that we can get a better view out of the left side of the car.)

Me: *flailing wildly and grabbing the steering wheel* “Grandpa! You can’t drive on that side of the road, there are cars coming!”

Grandpa: “What? I used my turn signal! It’s fine!”

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Turn On The Cool Mountain Air

| Related | July 16, 2012

(My parents, a friend of mine, and I, have rented a small cabin for a small weekend vacation. My parents are giving us a lift to a trail since they are going to a vineyard nearby. We pass some land for sale that has a lot of trees on it and it has ‘AC’ on the sign to show the acreage of the land.)

Mom: “Wait, how can that woods be air conditioned?!”

Dad: “That stands for acres, dear.”

Mom: “Oh…”

(My friend and I ask to be dropped off there so we can walk the rest of the way, as holding in the laughter is killing us.)

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