(I work at a certain mountain based sci-fi rollercoaster in a magical themed park run by a mouse. Every night at 10 pm, we have a fireworks show. One night, I am standing at greeter position. Five minutes before the fireworks show; I am approached by a guest.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how could I be of assistance?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you tell me what’s in here?” *pointing at the building containing the rollercoaster*

Me: “Oh, yes, that’s [Space-themed Roller Coaster Mountain]. It’s an indoor rollercoaster. The wait time is currently—”

Guest: “Wait, so, it’s not for the fireworks?”

Me: “Afraid not. The fireworks will be visible from out here, though, if you wanted to see them.”

Guest: “I really thought there was some special viewing area up there for the fireworks.”

Me: *looking at the giant concrete structure with no platforms, windows, or balconies* “Unfortunately not, friend. In fact once inside you’ll be completely unable to see the fireworks, seeing as the whole thing is indoors.”

Guest: “Oh. Wait why are there people going in then?”

Me: “Well, they’re going in to ride the rollercoaster.”

Guest: “But the fireworks are about to start.”

Me: “They won’t be watching the fireworks.”

Guest: “But why? They start in five minutes!”

Me: “I guess they don’t want to see them then.”

Guest: *after a long pause* “Well, that’s really stupid, then.”

(Without any hesitation, the guest then proceeded to get in line for the ride, and walked into the building.)

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(My cousin invites me to go with her and her family to a theme park so I say yes.)

Me: “How exciting! I love going on the roller coasters!”

Cousin: “You’re brave. Those scare me.”

Me: “You’re not going on them? Oh, come on!”

(I try threatening her, cajoling her, even begging. Finally, she says ok and we get in line.)

Me: “You’re shaking.”

Cousin: *freaking out* “I know. I don’t wanna go!”

(We finally get to the front after 30 minutes. I expect her to bolt, but she actually gets on. Five minutes later, the ride is over and we both get out.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Cousin: *nods, looking pale*

Me: “That was fun wasn’t it?”

Cousin: “…I wanna go again.”

(We got back in line!)

(This particular theme park allows free admittance for children under two. We get parents coming up to the entrance all the time saying their three-year-old is two. A guest strolls up to me with their obviously 11-year-old son.)

Me: “Hello there, how are you today?”

Guest: *doesn’t answer and proceeds to present only his ticket media*

Me: “And does the child have a ticket?”

Guest: “No, he’s only two.”

Me: *to guest* “Sir, he is clearly not two years old.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah? Go ahead and ask him!

Me: “You mean I have permission to ask your son how old he is?”

Guest: *with a smart-alecky attitude* “Yes, go ahead. See what he tells you.”

Me: *smiles to child guest* “Son, do you like getting homework?”

Child Guest: “No, I hate homework.”

Me: *to adult guest* “Sir, two-year-old children don’t get homework. He needs a ticket and there is the ticket purchasing counter over there.”

(I am an entrance photographer at a theme park.)

Me: “Hello, folks. Welcome to [Theme Park]. I need you to please stop for two quick pictures.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *in obvious Texan Drawl and slightly bad Spanish* “No hablos English.” *yes, he said English, not Ingles*

(Trying to do my job, be polite, and not jump to conclusions I switch to Spanish, which, while I’m not a native speaker, I’m relatively fluent in, and have practiced specifically for Spanish-speaking park attendees so they’re not left out of the full experience.)

Me: “No hay problema, señor. Necesito que dejes de para dos fotos rápidas, por favor.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: *still in obvious Texan Drawl and now broken French* “Polly View Frances?”

(Again, he said, “view,” not “vous,” and while I could do the entire spiel in French, thanks to learning it from my Louisianan coworker, just in case, I’m certain at this point the guy is bluffing, plus he doesn’t actually ask me to say it in French, so…)

Me: “Oui, monsieur.”

(Got to give the guy credit for persistence, because he takes one more shot to avoid the inconvenience of having his photo taken.)

Adult Male Park Attendee: *not even really trying to speak in the language* “German?”

(Yup, he says, “German,” not “Deutsch.” At this point, I’m bluffing his bluff. I never learned the spiel in German, but I do know enough to say…)

Me: “Ja, mein herr.”

Adult Male Park Attendee: “Ah, dang nabbit, just take our god-d*** pictures.”

(The family poses and everyone smiles except him. I smile and hand the man the slip with his roll number and finish my duty with them with a cheerful final comment.)

Me: “Your pictures will be ready any time after four pm. Thank you for your time and consideration. Hope you all enjoy this wonderful day.”

(Epilogue: The guy’s wife and kids dragged him to check out the pictures. They bought several framed, a few key chains, and both mini viewers… totaling enough for me to get $40 of commission off just them… They were my only sales that day!)

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(I work in a hotel on the south coast of the UK, right on the sea front. As a reward the hotel management pays for the reception staff to go to Hyde Park in London to the annual Winter Wonderland theme park. We have just spent two hours heading in-land on a train and have gone into Hyde Park where there is a large lake used for boating. You can clearly see the other side.)

Friend: “Is that the sea?”

Me: “Did you really just ask that?”

Friend: “Yes, it that the sea?”

Me: “….”