(I work at a sales desk at a bus company and we have to answer the phones as well. We provide an airport shuttle so we follow the landing times at the airport when picking up passengers. One night a woman phones in:)

Me: “[Bus Company]; good evening.”

Customer: “Hi. My friend is flying in from [Country]. When will she be home?”

Me: “Well, according to our information there are two flights coming in today from [Country]. Do you know which airline she is flying with?”

Customer: “No, can’t you look it up for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is a bus company. I have no access to another company’s system, and I am pretty sure that would violate some privacy laws. If you can tell me when you were expecting her, during the day, morning, afternoon, or evening, I could help you make an educated guess, but I still cannot answer for the flight company as I only work for a bus company.”

Customer: “I used to work for your company many years ago and we did this all the time! She is my friend and neighbour! Just look it up for me!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I really cannot. This company does not have access to passenger lists of other companies nor is it legal even if I had the information.”

(The customer continues with a four-minute rant about poor customer service and this would not have been a problem when she had worked there. I politely suggest that maybe she should take a nice evening stroll over to her friends place and see if she’s home.)

Customer: “Why didn’t I think of that!? Still poor customer service; I still have to get out of my house to be sure!” *slams down phone*

(I am on the train with two schoolboys sat nearby. The first I notice them when the train guard comes along the carriage checking tickets.)

Guard: “Nice breakfast.”

Boy #1: *holding up chocolate muffin* “Yeah, the best sort…”

(About a minute passes, then I hear…)

Boy #2: “Urgh! That’s disgusting!”

Boy #1: “What?”

Boy #2: “How can you even do that?”

Boy #1: “What?”

Boy #2: “Seriously, I’m gonna puke if you don’t stop. How can you EAT the MUFFIN PAPER?”

Boy #1: “I always do that!”

Boy #2: “Why?!”

Boy #1: “It’s still covered with muffin!” *points dramatically in the air* “NO CHOCOLATE LEFT BEHIND!”

(I’m on a train back home to Manchester and the train stops at Birmingham New Street. This is normally a very busy stop and there are quite a few people that board. A little old Asian lady and what appears to be her granddaughter enter the carriage. The lady is obviously not in great health and is walking a little slowly. A really angry and pissed off looking guy comes stomping up behind her.)

Angry Guy: “MOVE! MOVE! F****** MOOOVE!”

(He then proceeds to shove past her which hurts the lady; many people shout and raise objections. The guy just sneers and sits down. When the lady comes next to me I grab her attention.)

Me: “I am sorry about that guy. I have an empty seat here which you are welcome to!”

Lady: “Thank you, my dear, but we would like to sit together.”

Granddaughter: “Yeah, thank you.”

(The granddaughter then angrily looks at the angry guy who is attempt to avoid eye contact.)

Granddaughter: “AS FOR YOU — SHOVING MY GRANDMA OUT THE WAY?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

Angry Guy: *mumbles* “Didn’t f****** do nothing!”

Granddaughter: “YOU’RE AN A**-HOLE!”

(For the rest of the journey, the guy was given plenty of dirty looks and he pouted angrily until he got off a few stops later.)

(I am on the train traveling from California to Colorado. A few minutes after I get on, the conductor announces that the train will be completely filled due to the holidays. Slips of paper are hung over the seats to indicate they are occupied, so travelers can go to the dining car or observation car and not have their seat taken. A few stops after I get on, when the train is not completely full yet, an older woman boards. A conductor helps her with her luggage. She immediately hones in on the only empty window seat left, which is directly across the aisle from me.)

Conductor: “Ma’am, you cannot sit there. That seat is already occupied.”

Lady: “I don’t see anyone sitting here.

Conductor: “They aren’t here now, but that paper shows the seat is reserved. And their stuff is on the seat.” *a plastic bag is hanging from the armrest near the window*

Lady: “Well, since they aren’t here, I’m going to sit here.”

Conductor: “Ma’am, you can’t do that. Someone already claimed that seat. You have to sit somewhere else.”

Lady: “I don’t want to sit somewhere else.”

Conductor: “But you can’t sit there.”

Lady: “But I picked this seat.”

Conductor: “Someone else already picked that seat. You need to pick another one.”

Lady: “I’m sitting here. I’ll just move whenever they get back.”

Conductor: “Fine.”

(About a half hour later, the man returns to his seat and finds it occupied.)

Man: “Ma’am, you’re in my seat.”

Lady: “This is my seat.”

Man: “No, it’s not. Those are my things. This is my seat. You need to move.”

Lady: “You weren’t here, so I sat here. You can sit somewhere else.”

Man: “No. This is my seat. You need to move.”

Lady: “I don’t want to move.”

Man: “That’s too bad. You’re in my seat.”

(By this point, I am struggling to contain laughter, incredulous at the woman’s behavior. I didn’t speak up at first because the man was clearly not cowed by the crazy lady’s behavior, but I finally decide he needs some help.)

Me: “Ma’am, the conductor told you that was someone’s seat. You told him that you would move when the person returned.”

(The crazy lady gives me an evil glare and humphs.)

Lady: “Well, FINE, then.”

(She makes a big show of struggling to stand up, when she had been clearly mobile before. The train is nearly full at this point, and there is not an empty seat in sight.)

Man: “Ma’am, the seat next to mine is empty if you want to sit there.”

Lady: “FINE.” *she continues to grumble under her breath*

(Several hours later, the man got up again and left for a while. When I glanced over again, the crazy lady was back in his seat, clearly looking smug. I went to sleep before he returned and his stop was at 5 am, before I woke up, so I didn’t get to see if there was another confrontation, but for the rest of the trip the crazy lady finally officially had her window seat.)

(My boyfriend, some friends and I are going into the city from the suburbs to have bottomless brunch, where you pay a flat fee to have as many alcoholic drinks as you want, within a certain time limit. As we’re leaving my house my boyfriend asks if he can grab a beer for the train, which I think is weird seeing as we’re about to get unlimited drinks, but I say sure.)

Boyfriend: *waiting on train platform* “So, I brought a [Beer] and a [Different Brand Beer] for the train…”

Friend: “Wow, you go hard… We’re about to have unlimited drinks!”

Boyfriend: “What? That’s what ‘bottomless’ means?”

Me: *laughing* “Yeah, what did you think it meant?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I thought it was just a cute name!”