(I work at my local library as a library assistant.)
Patron: “I accidentally turned in a book that belongs to [Other Library].”
Me: “Sure, what’s the book title?”
Patron: “I Am Responsible.”
Me: *staring a patron in complete silence*
(I find the book, and the great irony is that it’s a child’s book.)
Me: “…Have a good day, ma’am.”
Patron: “Thanks. You, too.”
(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)
Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”
Me: “…What?”
Kid: “Diarrhea books!”
Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”
Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”
(Every year during the Christmas season our library hosts what we call the “Mitten Tree.” It works a little like the Salvation Army trees: you take a mitten from the tree, on which is written a gift to purchase for a person/family in need, “Toy for eight-year-old boy” or “pajama pants for adult woman size 14,” for example, and then bring the (wrapped) gift back and it goes to the person/family assigned. We put the tree up the week before Thanksgiving because some people like to get their Mitten Tree gifts during Black Friday. The Monday before Thanksgiving, we’re closing up the library for the evening when a couple starts banging on the door.)
Coworker: *opens the sliding doors* “I’m sorry; we’re closed for the night. We open again at 10 am tomorrow.”
Man: “But we wanted to get mittens from the Mitten Tree! Can we just come in and look?”
Coworker: “Um… sure, I don’t think that will be a problem.” *opens the door*
(The couple browsed through the tree while the rest of us went about shutting off computers, checking doors, and otherwise preparing to close. The woman stops my co-worker again.)
Woman: “Is there a limit to how many mittens we can take?”
Coworker: “Nope, you take as many as you’re comfortable with.”
Woman: “Okay, can we just clear the tree, then?”
(I look up from my work to see that, yes, they’ve taken almost every remaining mitten from the tree. Wow! We have generous patrons but I have NEVER seen that much generosity from one couple before. I stuck my head in the library director’s office to let her know what was going on, and she went out to personally thank the couple before they left.)
Me: “That was sweet.”
Coworker: “That was awesome.”
Director: *blinking back tears* “Do they know how to make a grown lady cry or what?”
(Less than two weeks later, the couple returned with their wrapped gifts, sixteen in all. Thank you, you two, for making Christmas wonderful for a family in need this year! You’re an inspiration.)
(We have a two-hour time limit on our computers, to ensure that everyone who needs a computer gets a chance at one. If someone is doing homework, taxes, looking for employment, etc., I can stretch the time limit, but kids who come in just to watch YouTube or play games are kept to the two-hour limit.)
Girl: “I want a computer, please.”
Me: “All right, you’re on Computer #1. Remember there’s a two hour time limit.”
Girl: “I KNOW! Geez. You don’t have to tell me every time!”
(This girl comes in regularly to watch YouTube videos, and that’s her reaction every time I remind her of the time limit. Finally, one day she comes in and I figure I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.)
Girl: “I want a computer.”
Me: “All right, Computer #1.” *decide not to remind her of the rule, as she’s insisted she knows it*
(My shift ends before her time limit is up, so I remind her as I leave that she has ten minutes left. She comes in the next day.)
Girl: “I want a computer.”
Me: “All right, hop on Computer #1. Remember, there’s a two-hour time limit.”
Girl: “Oh, nobody told me that yesterday, so I was on for like, five hours.”
Me: “…I told you that you had ten minutes left. Also, the time limit applies whether or not I remind you of it.”
Girl: “Well, nobody told me so I thought it didn’t apply.”
Me: *internally head-desking*
(This kind of exchange happens at least five times every day, despite the fact that we have a large sign on the wall, right behind us, which says that materials will not be issued without a library card.)
Student: “I want to borrow a laptop.”
Me: “Sure, do you have your library card?”
Student: “Oh, no, I don’t have it with me today.”
Me: “Sorry, you need to have your card to borrow anything from the library.”
Student: *genuinely astonished* “Really?”
Me: “Yes, absolutely.”
(We never cease to be amazed at the expectation that we will happily hand over £500-worth of computing kit without being able to see if the person is a student with borrowing privileges.)
