(I’m sitting sideways on the couch with my feet hanging over the arm, when my 14-year-old sister leans close to my feet, staring at them.)

Sister: “Do you have an extra toe?! Oh wait, I counted wrong.”

Me: “What is wrong with you?” *to my mom* “Do you hear your daughter? She just asked if I had an extra toe!”

(Mom stares at my foot.)

Me: “Are… are you counting my toes? Oh my gosh, you are! Stop staring at my feet!”

(My daughter, about 2 years old, is watching the cartoon ‘Robin Hood’.)

Daughter: “Who’s that?”

Me: “Friar Tuck.”

Daughter: *very indignantly* “That’s not a fire truck, that’s a guy!”

(My boyfriend and I are discussing getting married one day. I am 24.)

Boyfriend: “You would marry me right now if I asked you.”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t!”

Boyfriend: “Yes, you would.”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t. You’d need a ring first anyway.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m not asking you now. But one day I’ll ask you and you’ll say yes. Then you’ll spend the next 27 years annoying me.”

Me: “27?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’ll have to leave you for a 20 year old before you hit 50.”

Me: “Well done. Now you’re bad at love and math.”

(My two year old has just learned up high, down low, too slow. He also speaks 4 languages: Hawaiian, Spanish, English and American Sign language.)

Me: “High five!”

Son: “Again!”

Me: “Up high! Down low! Too slow!”

Son: “Mommy! High five!”

Me: “That’s enough.”

(A few minutes later he, starts counting on his fingers in Spanish.)

Son: *holding his hand out, displaying five fingers* “Cinco!”

Me: *surprised, and holding my hand out* “That’s right! Ci—”

Son: “Cinco!” *high fives me*

(Outsmarted by a two year old.)

(I hear a conversation my stepmom’s friend is having with her 1 1/2 year old son.)

Mom: “What do kitties say?”

Son: “Meow!”

Mom: “Very good! What do doggies say?”

Son: “Woo!”

Mom: “What do mommies say?”

Son: *yells* “NO!”