(My little sister, just 2 years old, has just started day care and has come home with her first piece of art; a bunch of colorful squiggles.)
Step-mom: “That’s so pretty! What is it?”
Sister: “My butt!”
Dad: “Your…what?”
Sister: “My butt!”
Step-mom: “Why did you draw your butt?”
Sister: “It was easier then my face!”
(My two-and-a-half year old has climbed up on the couch where I am sitting. He loses his balance and falls, hitting my head.)
Me: “Ouch, you have your daddy’s hard head!”
(He looks at me surprised, then runs off. I wonder about it until a minute later he runs back to me.)
Son: “No, daddy still has his hard head!”
(I am a legal studies student, so there are many flash cards with legal terms tucked throughout the house.)
Son: *hands me a card* “What’s this say?”
Me: “Joint liability.”
Son: “What’s that?”
Me: “When two people mess something up, they both have to fix it.”
(He walks away. A few minutes later he and his younger brother were playing with blocks. I put the baby down for a nap.)
Me: “Son, put away the blocks, please.”
Son: “All by myself? But [brother] helped make the mess! He has joint liability with me!”
(I’m about 3 years old. My mother is making dinner while my father is napping on the couch. My mom has me wake up my father when dinner is ready.)
Me: “Daddy, wake up. Dinner’s ready!”
Dad: *grumbling* “What’s for dinner?”
Me: “Knockwords and sourcrap!”
Dad: “What?”
Me: “Knockwords and sourcrap!”
(My dad is wide awake now, and both parents are laughing hysterically. For the record, my mother made knockwurst and sauerkraut.)
(My husband and I are watching the movie ‘Chronicle’, where teenagers get superpowers and one goes a bit evil.)
Me: “Baby, if I got superpowers do you think I would turn evil?”
Husband: “Oh yeah, definitely.”
Me: “What? Really?”
Husband: “Yeah, I give you a week. Two weeks if I am with you all the time.”
Me: “You only give me a week before going evil?”
Husband: “Well, yeah. I mean you would start out okay, but then someone would cut you off in traffic and that would be it.”
Me: “And then evil?”
Husband: “Yeah. But I will still love you even when you’re evil!”
