(I go to a Catholic high school, although we have a couple of non-Catholic classmates and teachers. One teacher, who is Jewish, naturally takes the day off for Jewish High Holy Days. My friend and I are discussing our day on the train ride home.)

Friend: “Today was awesome! Mrs. [Teacher] wasn’t there, so we didn’t have to discuss the book I hadn’t read yet.”

Me: “Was she sick or something?”

Friend: “No, it’s that Jewish holiday. She-ra HaHa.”

Me: “Um, do you mean Rosh Hashanah?”

Friend: “Yeah, that. I guess I shouldn’t have slept through world religions.”

(My history teacher is explaining how Stalin used fear to rule Russia. ‘Sherlock’ series three has just come out.)

Teacher: “So, he basically discredited his enemies.”

Student #1: “What does ‘discredited’ mean?”

Student #2: “Oh, it means, like, umm… When you… shame someone?”

(Student #2 looks around the class and sees that no one has quite understood.)

Student #2: “Umm… it’s what Moriarty did to Sherlock!”

Class: “Oh!”

(For a math teacher, mine is strict about our English. He also has an obsession with water bottles, keeping many on his desk at once.)

Student: “[Teacher], may I go grab a drink?”

Teacher: “Good luck. Make sure to dry your hands before coming back.”

Student: “What?”

Teacher: “Well, water’s wet, so if you GRAB a drink, you will get wet. Just like I’m GRABBING my drink.”

(He proceeds to unscrew one of his many full water bottles, turn it on-end, letting the water spill onto the floor, and tries to grab the stream. The class is shocked.)

Another Student: “Oh, my God, [Teacher]! Why’d you do that?!”

Teacher: “Eh. The custodians will take care of it.”

(He continued class as if nothing had happened. He almost slipped in the puddle once, forgetting that it was there!)

(I’m teaching a very rough year 11 class. One of my most horrible students gets up from his work and starts opening the drawers of my desk.)

Me: “[Student], sit back down.”

Student: “No. You can’t make me do anything.”

Me: *waving a meterstick in a mock-threatening manner* “[Student], don’t touch my desk. Sit down now.”

Student: “Go on, Miss. I dare you.”

(He sticks his hand in the drawer containing my wallet, phone, and the treats I use as rewards.)

Me: “You got it.”

(I bring the meterstick down on his knuckles, hard as I can. It’s a perfect shot, and his hand immediately starts to swell. I panic, thinking I’m about to get fired.)

Other Kids: “Don’t worry, miss. We heard him dare you.”

Student: *cradling his hand, head down, returns silently to seat*

(Later, in the staff room at lunch:)

Head Of Year: “I heard you whacked [Student] today! Obviously, you shouldn’t do that, but that’s brilliant! I’ve been wanting to do that for years!”

(After school I am working on a project for my world history class. I’m working in my teacher’s classroom when I find out he’s out of tape, which I need. I go over to another teacher’s classroom. This teacher was actually my teacher back in seventh grade, three years before this takes place. Note: I’m female.)

Me: “[Coach]? Can I borrow some tape? Mr. [Name] doesn’t have any.”

Coach: “Yeah, sure. But first will you sign this petition?”

(He hands me several pieces of paper on a clipboard and I look to see what the petition is for. It’s to end Women’s Suffrage.)

Me: *after laughing* “Sorry, [Coach], no can do. I may not be old enough to vote or have a career, but I like the fact that I can have these things.”

(I get my tape and leave. After a few weeks, I notice that the petition is hanging in the hallway, with a note explaining what Women’s Suffrage is, and what the experiment was. There were 600 signatures on it– and most of them were female.)