(I’ve just arrived at work and decide to buy myself a drink and snack before I clock-in.)

Coworker: “Your total is $2.80.”

Me: *holding up card* “Debit, please.”

(The guy in line behind me taps me on the shoulder.)

Guy: “I’ll pay for your stuff, miss. It seems silly for you to run your card for less than $3.”

Me: *smiling* “That’s sweet but I’ve got it.”

(My coworker processes the transaction then hands me the receipt. As I start to walk toward the back to clock in, the guy grabs my arm.)

Guy: “Would you like to go out some time?”

Me: *jerking my arm away* “I don’t like being grabbed. And I have a boyfriend so that’s a no.”

Guy: *scoffs* “Oh, come on! I just tried to buy your stuff for you! The least you could do is give me the time of day!”

Me: “Eh, buddy, I already said I’ve got a boyfriend. Get lost.”

Guy: “Just give me your number! I could give you a good thrill!” *waggles eyebrows suggestively*

Me: *rolls eyes* “You really want a good thrill?”

Guy: “Yeah! Now you get it!”

Me: “Yeah, sure. If you want a good thrill, go stick your d*** in a light socket!”

(The guy turned bright red and sputtered a bit before storming out of the store. My coworker laughed like a maniac then called me ‘demented.’)

(My coworker goes outside to help some customers on our full-serve pumps, while I stay inside to watch the store. As he walks back in, one customer follows. I recognise him as a regular, and also a bit of an oddball. When they enter, the following conversation ensues.)

Customer: “It was nice talking to you. It was good.”

(He holds out his hand, and my coworker shakes it, somewhat dubiously.)

Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

Customer: “We’ll meet tomorrow at the same place as usual. Under the bridge.”

(I have no idea what he’s talking about, and it’s clear from his expression that my coworker has no idea either. However, he nods and goes with it.)

Customer: “10 o’clock. Make sure you bring your sword.”

Coworker: “…yeah, for sure.”

(The customer then leaves. As soon as he’s gone, my coworker and I look at each other incredulously.)

Me: “What the f*** was that?”

Coworker: “I have no idea! That was weird. Oh, wait, he’s coming back.”

(Sure enough, the customer is walking back inside.)

Customer: “I’ll need to get a new sword, though. Mine shattered last time. So, yeah I’ll need a new one. See you tomorrow. 10 o’clock.”

Coworker: “Yeah, yeah, sure. See you there.”

(It’s Monday morning. I’m grabbing a coffee at the corner store. The transaction proceeds as normal. Until the end.)

Clerk: “Have a good weekend!”

(As it is Monday, I shrug it off and start heading away. When I reach the door, the clerk finally clues in.)

Clerk: “Wait a minute… IT’S NOT THE WEEKEND ANYMORE!”

(I am working as a third shift clerk in a convenience store. It is nothing unusual to get some very odd phone calls on my night shifts.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Does your store carry Magnum condoms?”

(This is actually a pretty common question.)

Me: “No, but we do carry Durex XXL.”

Caller: “Do you think you could handle nine inches?”

Me: “Sir, turn your ruler around. You’re looking at centimeters. Don’t neglect your lotion and tissues. Have a good night!”

Caller: “Ummm…” *click*

(I have have been called just about every name in the book. I am refusing to sell beer to a customer who is too drunk.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you’re just too intoxicated and I can’t let you have it.”

Drunk: “I’m not driving so what the f*** is your problem, fat-a**!”

Me: “I’m sorry; can’t do it.”

Drunk: “Come on, man. I won’t tell.”

Me: *being very nice as it does really bug them when I don’t get mad* “Sorry, guy, still can’t sell.”

Drunk: *getting REALLY UPSET* “You know what you are? You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!”

(I’ve heard everything but not that, so I started laughing really hard which got him more and more upset. I told him that was the funniest thing I had ever been called and he got REALLY mad and just walked out.)