(One of my friends comes in the store with a tall, athletic woman.)

Me: *smiling and waving* “Hi, Blondie! Who’s your friend?”

Friend: “This is my girlfriend, [Woman].”

(Before I can introduce myself, the woman stomps up to the counter and leans close, as if to intimidate me. I am only 5’3″ and very petite.)

Woman: *loudly* Did you just call my man ‘baby’? You better not have called my man ‘baby’!

(My friend starts to intervene but I hold up one hand to stop him.)

Me: *calmly* “No, I called him ‘Blondie’. [Friend] has very long, golden BLOND hair so I call him ‘Blondie’ or ‘Goldilocks’ and he’s fine with it.”

Woman: *sneers* “Yeah, well, you better not ever call my man baby or I’ll have to—”

Friend: *interrupting* “Please, [Woman], don’t start with [My Name]!”

Me: “Am I supposed to be afraid of a big, loud blowhard because I’m so little? Wanna try me? I haven’t had a good fight in a while.”

Woman: *goes pale* “I’ll- I’ll be in the car, [Friend].”

(The woman ducks her head and walks out of the store. My friend shakes his head.)

Friend: “I’m so sorry about her. She gets stupidly jealous whenever I talk to any girl.”

Me: *shrugs* “No harm done but I wasn’t going to let her push me around!”

(I never saw my friend with that woman ever again.)

(A customer has just left after paying for their stuff with a credit card. A few minutes later…)

Customer: “Hi, again. I left my credit card behind. Have you seen it?”

Me: “Let me see.” *looks around the register, counter, and pin-pad machine* “Is it on the floor?”

Customer: “No. Well, where is it?”

Me: “I do not know.”

Customer: “You didn’t check out anyone else, did you?”

Me: “I have not.”

Customer: “I checked my purse, my pockets, and my bags. I can’t find it. Do you have it?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen it.”

Customer: “You have it. Don’t lie to me. It’s not right to steal credit cards. Call your manager, now! You thief! Give me back my card!”

(I call the manager up.)

Manager: “Are you sure you checked everywhere?”

Customer: “Just check him! I should be calling the police.”

(I reveal my pockets. My manager checks all around my station, and then:)

Customer: “Oh, silly me. I put it in my glasses case. Thank heavens I found it.”

(The customer leaves.)

Me: “No, no. Just forget that you were blatantly accusing me to be a thief. Feel free to leave without a heartfelt apology.”

Manager: “Don’t worry. At least the police didn’t get involved this time.”

Me: “This time?!”

(One of my coworkers is a quiet, well-spoken man normally, but has an astonishingly loud voice if he wants to shout. My manager is also the shop owner, has a great sense of humor, and likes to let him use that voice in situations.)

Customer: “A carton of [Brand] cigarettes, please.”

Coworker: “Yes, sir. What kind?”

Customer: “[Brand].”

Coworker: “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: “[BRAND]!”

Coworker: *just as loud* “Yes, sir. Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: *as loud as he can shout* “[BRAND]!”

Coworker: *louder than the customer; painful to the ears* “YES, SIR! TWENTIES, THIRTIES, MILD, MENTHOL, FILTERED OR PLAIN?!”

(The customer turns pale, and takes a step back.)

Customer: *normal voice* “Er, um, sorry. What?”

Coworker: *normal voice*  “Twenties, thirties, mild menthol, filtered or plain?”

Customer: “Oh. Twenties, filtered, plain. Thanks.”

(The customer paid, and then left, turning back, looking, and shaking his head in disbelief.)

(We are located in a college town, so naturally, we sell a variety of things including condoms. Normally people just ask where they are then buy them. This started out like any other time.)

Customer: “Yo, you all sell condoms?”

Me: “Yes, right over there.” *point to where they are*

Customer: “What?! You only sell 3-packs? You don’t sell single condoms? See, this is why people be having babies!”

(I stood there stunned as he kicked our door open and left.)

(I am working as a cashier at a convenience store. We typically get a lot of tourists in the area, and during the summer a lot of families. In this particular instance, it’s a couple, their young daughter, and the grandmother.)

Daughter: “Mommy, can I have this?” *pointing at a toy*

Mother: “No, honey. You’ve got toys in the car.”

Daughter: “Okay…”

(A few minutes later, the grandmother brings the toy to me to buy.)

Mother: “[Daughter], are you asking Grandma to buy things for you?”

Daughter: “No.”

Mother: “Are you touching things and looking sad?”

Daughter: “… maybe.”