A Blondie Moment

(One of my friends comes in the store with a tall, athletic woman.)

Me: *smiling and waving* “Hi, Blondie! Who’s your friend?”

Friend: “This is my girlfriend, [Woman].”

(Before I can introduce myself, the woman stomps up to the counter and leans close, as if to intimidate me. I am only 5’3″ and very petite.)

Woman: *loudly* Did you just call my man ‘baby’? You better not have called my man ‘baby’!

(My friend starts to intervene but I hold up one hand to stop him.)

Me: *calmly* “No, I called him ‘Blondie’. [Friend] has very long, golden BLOND hair so I call him ‘Blondie’ or ‘Goldilocks’ and he’s fine with it.”

Woman: *sneers* “Yeah, well, you better not ever call my man baby or I’ll have to—”

Friend: *interrupting* “Please, [Woman], don’t start with [My Name]!”

Me: “Am I supposed to be afraid of a big, loud blowhard because I’m so little? Wanna try me? I haven’t had a good fight in a while.”

Woman: *goes pale* “I’ll- I’ll be in the car, [Friend].”

(The woman ducks her head and walks out of the store. My friend shakes his head.)

Friend: “I’m so sorry about her. She gets stupidly jealous whenever I talk to any girl.”

Me: *shrugs* “No harm done but I wasn’t going to let her push me around!”

(I never saw my friend with that woman ever again.)