(I am 5’4″, chubby, and have small breasts. I’m super sensitive about my weight and my chest, and I have horrible self-esteem. I am walking through college to pick up my boyfriend from class. I hear a conversation between my boyfriend and two of his classmates.)

Classmate #1: “Man, I can’t believe you’re dating [my name].”

Classmate #2: “She’s so short. I like girls with longer legs.”

Classmate #1: “And a bit less meat to them.”

Classmate #2: “But more meat just below the neck.”

(Both of them are laughing as they talk, and my boyfriend has been silent.)

Classmate #2: “What do you think [boyfriend]?”

(My boyfriend stands up slowly, letting his chair scrape along the ground.)

Boyfriend: “[My name] is the most wonderful girl on the planet. She never complains, never gets angry, and never chooses herself over others. She is sweet, always cooks my favorite foods, and is an angel. If you two say another bad thing about her, I will make you wish you’d been born mute. Do you understand?”

(I can’t hear anything, but I assume the two boys nod.)

Boyfriend: “As for her boobs, anything more than a handful is a waste anyways.”

(He sees me outside the door crying. He picks me up and carries me to my car. I love him so much, and he made me actually like myself!)

(My boyfriend and I are discussing why people risk a lot in a relationship, when there is a very high chance of the relationship ending.)
 
Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I guess it’s just like how you didn’t mind getting into a relationship with me, in spite of the inherent risk involved.”
 
Me: “I never felt there was any risk involved in being with you. I have always trusted you. You felt that this was a risky business, getting into a relationship with me, didn’t you?”
 
Boyfriend: “What! No! I adopted you when you were a small puppy and trained you to be my girlfriend. Obviously there was no risk.”
 

(My boyfriend and I are talking about our future, and getting engaged.)
 
Boyfriend: “Well, I don’t know when we’d get the ring. We still have a year left in college, so it’s tough to afford it right now.”
 
Me: “Yeah. That’s disappointing, but true.”
 
Boyfriend: “But we could get a ring now without a big diamond! We could get you a ring that had all of my love in it!”
 
Me: “…I’d rather have diamonds.”

(I am a student employee at my university’s dining hall. My coworker is an older man known for being grouchy. It is Christmastime and one of my favorite carols comes on the radio.)

Coworker: “Why are you grinning so much, huh?”

Me: “The song. I was named after this song.”

Coworker: “Huh. I knew there was a reason I didn’t like it.”

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Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

Me: “Are there people near you?”

Caller: “Um, yeah.”

Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

Caller: “How do I find that out?”

Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”