(My boyfriend and I are discussing why people risk a lot in a relationship, when there is a very high chance of the relationship ending.)
 
Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I guess it’s just like how you didn’t mind getting into a relationship with me, in spite of the inherent risk involved.”
 
Me: “I never felt there was any risk involved in being with you. I have always trusted you. You felt that this was a risky business, getting into a relationship with me, didn’t you?”
 
Boyfriend: “What! No! I adopted you when you were a small puppy and trained you to be my girlfriend. Obviously there was no risk.”
 

(I am a student employee at my university’s dining hall. My coworker is an older man known for being grouchy. It is Christmastime and one of my favorite carols comes on the radio.)

Coworker: “Why are you grinning so much, huh?”

Me: “The song. I was named after this song.”

Coworker: “Huh. I knew there was a reason I didn’t like it.”

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(My boyfriend and I are talking about our future, and getting engaged.)
 
Boyfriend: “Well, I don’t know when we’d get the ring. We still have a year left in college, so it’s tough to afford it right now.”
 
Me: “Yeah. That’s disappointing, but true.”
 
Boyfriend: “But we could get a ring now without a big diamond! We could get you a ring that had all of my love in it!”
 
Me: “…I’d rather have diamonds.”

(I work at a call center for a university. We call prospective students and tell them about our school. This call was meant for a young lady but was taken by her father.)

Me: “I’m calling from [university] to talk to [girl] about her interest in attending our university.”

Father: “University? Like school, papers, homework, and stuff?!”

Me: “Yes, that stuff usually occurs in a university.”

Father: “My daughter ain’t goin’ there!”

Me: “All right, have a nice day, sir.”

(I work in a campus post office for students only. Package slips are put in the boxes and an e-mail is sent to the student’s school e-mail address when they receive a package.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Student: “Hi, do I have a package?”

Me: “Did you have a package slip in your box? I need that.”

Student: “No, I didn’t get one.”

(I go to the back and check anyway because one of the workers often forgets to put the slips in the boxes during her shift.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see any package with your name.”

Student: “Could you check again?”

Me: “There were only 6 packages, and I’m sure none of them were for you. Did you get an email saying your package had arrived?”

Student: “No.”

Me: “Did the tracking number say it had been delivered?”

Student: “Oh, no, the tracking number didn’t have any information on it.”

(I go online to double check her tracking number.)

Me: “It says here that you ordered the package only three hours ago.”

Student: “Yeah, so it’s not here yet?”

Me: “No. It says here that it’s coming from out of the country. It could take up to a month for it to arrive depending on how long it takes to get through customs, but it usually takes two or three weeks.”

Student: “Oh…well, okay. I’ll come back to check tomorrow then!”