(My fiancé and I are discussing a couple of mutual friends that we recently started to hang out with more. He is driving.)

Fiancé: “It’s weird. I never would have thought I’d say this, but I think [Mutual Friends]—”

(He is cut off in traffic and stops talking for a moment.)

Me: “I think so, too.”

Fiancé: *staring* “What?”

Me: “I said I think so, too.”

Fiancé: “I never finished my sentence.”

Me: “You were going to say you think they’ll be lifelong friends, right?”

Fiancé: “…yes. How did you know?”

Me: “I’m in yo’ BRAIN!”

Fiancé: “Well get out! You don’t want to know what else is in there.”

Me: “Oh, I already had a look around. Kind of a scary place, dear.”

(Before our first road trip together my best friend is diagnosed with two separate but very contagious illnesses. Despite that, she still wants to go on our road trip as originally planned. In order to minimize my exposure to her germs she labels her water bottles with a “D” on the cap so that I wouldn’t inadvertently drink after her. Note: Her first name begins with the letter “D”.)

Me: “‘D’ for [D-name]?”

Best Friend: *dead pan* “No, ‘D’ for ‘Diseased.'”

(My boyfriend and I our spending our first weekend together, and it’s a two hour drive. I’m bored out of mind.)

Me: “Sooooo… are we there yet?”

Boyfriend: “Oh, dear God, not this again. Pick a CD or something!”

Me: *searches through his disks* “I don’t know any of these bands. I don’t listen to music.”

Boyfriend: *turns in his seat and stares at me* “We can’t date anymore. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Let me redeem myself! Please!”

Boyfriend: *thinks long and hard* “I’m going to hum something and you have to guess it.”

Me: “Ooookay.”

(Thinking we both know I’m not going to get it, he starts humming. My eyes slowly widen and I get really excited and shout within three seconds:)

Me: “IMPERIAL DEATH MARCH!”

Boyfriend: “…and you just scored massive bonus points.”

(Eight months later, and we are still together. And nope, I still don’t listen to music.)

(I’ve recently gotten a temp job at a state agency that’s across the street from where my dad works; to save me money he suggests carpooling. Since we live in the middle of the country it isn’t that unusual to see farm animals, but on this morning we round a corner only to have to stop since there’s a chicken in the middle of the road. Unable to help but laugh, I look over to my dad.)

Me: “Hey, Dad?”

Dad: “What?”

Me: *laughing while gesturing to the chicken* “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Dad: “To f****** make us late to work.”

(We are driving home from a restaurant one night when my parents, who love to play pranks, did the following to my sister, who is three years older than me:)

Dad: “See this button, [Sister]? Don’t ever press this button.” *gestures to hazard light button* “Because it’s the turbo button!”

(He then proceeds to pretend to push the button and step on the gas pedal causing the car to accelerate fast. Fast forward 10 years. My sister is now 13. My mom and sister are taking the car to the carwash and a sign says to turn the hazard lights on if you want a certain clean. Mom reaches for the button.)

Sister: “WAIT, Mom, no! Don’t press that button! It’s the turbo button!”