(I am  just learning to drive and we are on a back road when…)

Mom: *screaming* “Stop!”

(Of course I slammed on the brakes and look around the empty road thinking an animal was going to run out.)

Me: “What?! I don’t see anything!”

Mom: “Oh, no. I just wanted a better look at that horse trailer. Sorry, honey.”

(My sister and I are driving home after seeing a concert. It’s not particularly late, but the show was loud and high-energy, so we’re both rather tired, drained, and not thinking clearly. We’re otherwise sober. I notice an elementary school’s marquee out the window.)

Me: “Huh. [Elementary School] is doing ‘Fiddler on the Roof.'”

Sister: “No, that’s the school corporation’s summer musical. High school.”

Me: “Oh! I was about to say… that’s kind of heavy stuff for a middle school to be producing.”

Sister: “That school is an elementary school.”

Me: “Gah! Music… too… loud… brain… no… work…”

(We arrive home at this point; my sister accidentally drives up onto the curb trying to park.)

Sister: “Brain… thing… contagious…”

(I am driving and my fiancé is a passenger in my car. As we are about to merge onto the expressway, another car cuts us off. It should be noted that I generally don’t swear.)

Me: *to the driver who cut me off* “You butthead fartface poop!”

Fiancé: “Wow, [My Name], that’s some strong language there!”

(It’s early morning. My boyfriend is driving me to work. I am sitting in the passenger seat, extremely tired and grumpy after having difficulty sleeping for several days. My boyfriend sees a certain truck on the side of the and suddenly shouts out the name of a company that does maintenance on highways.)

Me: “Cow trains?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “I thought you said cow trains.”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “No, I said [Maintenance Company]!”

Me: “Oh.” *starts imagining a train made out of cows*

Boyfriend: “So is a cow train a train full of cows?”

Me: “I was thinking of a train made out of cows.” *starts laughing* “Chugga chugga, moo moo!”

(I didn’t feel quite so grumpy after that!)

(My boyfriend and I are in my car, driving to work and listening to the radio. A song I really like comes on, and I start rocking out.)

Me: “This song could have been written about me.”

Boyfriend: *looks at me in disbelief* “This song is about a guy who is so sad about breaking up with his girlfriend that he goes to a bar and gets so raging drunk that he can’t stop laughing!”

Me: “Exactly!”