Me: “[Call Center], this is [My Name]. May I help you?”

Caller: “Is there someone who speaks Spanish?” *this is a frequent request, but one we cannot fulfill at this time*

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I do not, and neither does anyone else here in the call center.”

Caller: “F***!” *hangs up*

(At least he knew that much English!)

(I am working part time while waiting to hear if I have been accepted to medical school. I have just found out that I was successful but it requires me to move two thousand kilometres away. I have given my notice.)

Coworker: “So why did you quit?”

Me: *overly excited* “I am moving to [City] to become a doctor!”

(Beat.)

Coworker: “Well I’m moving to [Other City] to become an astronaut!”

(My mom works in a call center that takes orders for homecoming supplies for high schools – banners, cups, foam hands, etc. In between calls she will look at orders, because whenever there’s customization, there can be typos. Luckily, this one she manages to catch before printing:)

Mom: “I think this order needs to be reviewed again before being processed.”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with it?”

Mom: “I don’t think they want 300 cups that say ‘The Red Hot Loins.’”

(I work at a call center for one of the nation’s largest insurance firms. Today I’m handling an irate caller who’s very upset that she can’t get back more money on her last claim for her prescription shoes.)

Customer: “This is absolutely disgusting! I’ve been a member for ten years and this is how you treat me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but $500 is the annual limit for footwear so you’ve already gotten the maximum rebate. That’s the same for everyone no matter how long they’ve been with us.”

Customer: “I don’t care about anyone else! I’ve been with you for ten years and I expect to be shown some gratitude!”

Me: “Ma’am, you’ve only been with us for a year at the most.”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you say that to me! Do you know who you’re talking to!?”

Me: “Yes, you are [Customer] of [Address]. You activated your policy [number] on [Date that’s just barely 12 months from today] and so far have tried to defraud us several times claiming you deserve more money than your policy allows.”

Customer: “HOW THE H*** DO YOU KNOW ALL THAT?!”

Me: “It’s right here on my screen, in your profile. We do pride ourselves on making sure we keep detailed records and know everything important about our customers so we can handle their issues at a moment’s notice.”

Customer: “F***!” *click*

(I work selling insurance at an inbound call center for a well known company. This is set two or so days after the election and I still can’t believe it.)

Me: “All right, miss, your monthly premium for just yourself with be [some ridiculous number in the $600 range].”

Customer: “What? Even though Trump won?!”

(I sit there for a good 10 seconds with dead air, trying to comprehend that statement.)

Me: “Miss, the presidential election has no effect on the premium prices that were set for next year.”

Customer: “Oh…”