Slim Chance Of Success

(I’ve been receiving spam calls from a beauty centre lately. When I try to get them to stop calling me, this conversation ensues.)

Caller: “Hi, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Who is this?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Beauty Centre]. You signed up for two free slimming sessions.”

Me: “No, I didn’t.”

(I definitely can’t afford it, so I’ve never signed up for any such treatments.)

Caller: *quickly changing tack* “Congratulations! You have won two free slimming sessions!”

Me: “Didn’t you just say I’d signed up for it? And now you say I’ve won it.”

Caller: “Yes, you signed up for it, so you won two free sessions.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t want it; please remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “But you won it.”

Me: “I don’t want it.”

(I’ve heard enough stories about these so-called free giveaways; you need to sign up for a thousand-dollar package to receive the free sessions, and they won’t let you leave until you do.)

Caller: “Then do you want to pass it to a friend?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just remove my name.”

Caller: “You have to pass it to a friend or take it yourself. Otherwise, we will still call you.”

Me: “I don’t want it, and I don’t want to give it to a friend. Just remove my name from your database.”

Caller: “I can’t do that; you have to take it or give it to a friend. Otherwise, we’ll still keep calling you.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want to give me two free sessions. But I don’t want it. So, you want me to give it to a friend, to whom you would have to give two free sessions, as well? But I don’t want to give it to my friend. So, you don’t have to give away free sessions. However, you’re still going to forcibly give me the two free sessions, failing which you’ll continue to call and harass me?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “You want to give away your services for free that badly?”