Shut The Hades Up

(My eight-year-old son is obsessed with Greek mythology. He’s read a book I got him cover to cover. Over lunch, he is telling my five-year-old son and I stories about the gods and goddesses. His five-year-old brother is sat next to him, apparently listening attentively.)

Me: “Wow, [Five-Year-Old Son]. You really are liking these stories now.”

Five-Year-Old Son: “Shh…” *whispers* “I’m trying to pretend like I’m listening.”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Who’s the god of war? Who’s the goddess of love? Who’s the god of—”

Five-Year-Old Son: “Who’s the god of annoying show-off?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “That’s not in Greek mythology.”

Five-Year-Old Son: “God of annoying show off is [Eight-Year-Old Son]. It’s called GEEK mythology!”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Oh yeah? The god of stupid and dumb and does-not-know-addition-and-subtraction is [Five-Year-Old Son]!”

Me: “This argument is going to end with you boys hugging each other for 60 minutes because Mommy, the goddess of screaming and harsh punishment, is about done playing referee.”