Scammers Talk In A Different Toner

(I’m the accounts payable clerk for a local branch of a large company. I receive an invoice from a company I’ve never heard of, billing us for toner. This is odd, as our company-wide lease contract for our copiers includes toner, so we’ve never bought any. I investigate, and determine a scammer had hooked an unwitting night-shift receptionist by claiming to be our ‘usual supplier’ and offering a ‘limited time offer, only good tonight’ deal. FTC rules prohibit ‘unfair or deceptive’ business practices, which includes this scam. FTC rules also say that merchandise sent as part of a of fraud is legally considered a gift and does not need to be returned. I shred the scam invoice, but the scammer starts calling to dun us for payment on the toner. I played along at first…)

Scammer: “When can we expect payment for the shipment?”

Me: “Here’s the problem: we have no record of this purchase, or of the shipment. Who did you say placed the order?”

Scammer: “[Name of night-shift receptionist.]”

Me: “She doesn’t have the authority to order anything.”

Scammer: “Oh, okay. We’ll make sure we go through the right channels next time. I just need you to pay for the order we already sent.”

Me: “Let me make sure I understand. You cold-called our night shift receptionist, falsely purported to be our supplier, and, on her verbal agreement, without a purchase order or any other documentation from us, you shipped hundreds of dollars worth of product across the country to a company with which you have no contract and no existing relationship?”

Scammer: *silence*

Me: “If you’re not a con artist, you’re simply too dumb to be in business.”

Scammer: “F*** you!”