(It is 2 am. My brother and I are watching a movie. He has passed out in the middle of it.)

Me: “[Brother] wake up. Go get in your bed.”

Brother: *abruptly standing straight up* “It’s okay. I already have all my information.”

Me: “Huh?”

Brother: “I have a pet taxi named Jorge and he’s blue like a banana.”

Me: “Um, that’s nice. Come with me.”

(I attempt to lead him to his room.)

Brother: “Are you taking me to meet my pet monkey named Luke Skywalker?”

(My parents have just come home from work, and I needed to talk to my mom. I’ve also just gotten back from a 5 day trip with school. My dad walks into the room.)

Me: “Are you home yet?

Dad: *sarcastically* “No, I’m not.”

Me: *realizing what I had just said* “I meant to ask if mom is here!”

Dad: “Haha.”

(Mom walks in.)

Me: *to my mom* “Are you back from work?”

Dad: “Did you seriously just ask that again?”

Me: “I’m tired! Give me a break!”

(My brother is 19. This conversation occurs completely out of no where.)

Brother: “What’s the difference between being Spanish and being Mexican?”

Me: “A continent?”

My other brother: “Well played, sis.”

Related
(from NotAlwaysRight):
Geographically Incontinent

(My mom is filing things, and hands me a piece of paper that she wants me to hole-punch.)

Mom: “Can you punch this for me?”

Me: “Okay!”

(I punch the paper with my fist, and grin at mom.)

Mom: “You’re hilarious. Use the three-punch thingy.”

(I punch the paper with my fist three times and grin at mom again.)

Mom: “You know what I mean! Now go hole-punch that paper before I hit you.”

Me: “As opposed to half-punching it?”

Mom: “WOULD YOU STOP IT!”

(I am helping my mom set up a new online account.)

Me: “Okay, mom, your account is all set up.”

Mom: “What do the little numbers at the bottom of the screen mean?”

Me: “That just tells you who’s online.”

(I click it so she can see what I’m talking about. She ducks down.)

Mom: “Can they see me? I look terrible!”