(My sister and I are in the kitchen and I’m drinking a soda in front of the sink. My sister tosses her used spoon into the sink.)

Sister: “Are you going wash that for me?”

Me: *grunts yes*

Sister: “Thank you!”

Me: *grunts you’re welcome*

(My sister wanders out of the room and I finish drinking.)

Me: “The fact that you understood me means that we’ve been spending way too much time together!”

(I had just put my newborn and my 3 year-old in the car when I have to run back for my keys. When I return, I have a conversation with the 3 year old, who is pretending to be the mother. She also loves astronomy stuff.)

Daughter: “Where are my keys?”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t grab them, sorry!”

Daughter: “Well, I can’t go anywhere without my keys!” (I say this often. Whoops.)

Me: *thinking quickly* “Well, the problem is, I can’t go back up to get them because there’s a black hole on the stairs! The Black Hole Removal Team is on their way, so by the time we get back, it’ll be all cleared out.”

Daughter: “Is that because of the particle acceler-thingie?”

Me: *relieved that she bought it* “Sure.”

Daughter: “Oh, okay. Tell them to be careful!”

(My younger brother, my boyfriend, and I are playing a word association game called ‘Anomia’ at a family get together. Basically, you have to come up with an example of the word on the card before your opponent does. It’s a lot harder than it sounds.)

Card on the table: “Cause of death.”

Me: “Death!”

(My boyfriend and brother both die of laughter.)

(My sister in law and I are driving through Washington, D.C. to get home to Virginia.)

Me: *pointing to a sign* “Look, there’s 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.”

Sister: “So? What’s so special about that?”

Me: “The White House?”

Sister: “Really!? I thought the White House was in Washington state!”

(I am at the last security gate before the baggage area with my mom.)

Security: “And what is your relation?”

Mom: “She’s my daughter.”

Security: “In that case, could you just verify her birth date for me?”

Mom: “Yeah! It’s… uh… wait… January… first?”

Me: “Mom!”

Mom: “Oh! It’s January 7th!”

Security: *to me* “She owes you twice the Christmas gifts this year.”