(I am playing a game with my family. You have to draw a card and make the other players guess the word, place or person written on it. I draw ‘Guy Fawkes’.)

Me: “Okay, so… he tried to blow up parliament.”

Sister: *without missing a beat* “George W. Bush!”

(My 13-year-old son and I are home with bad colds. I see him playing a video game when I get up to get some water.)

Me: “What are you playing?”

Son: “Cold of Duty: Modern Germfare.”

(My ex’s new wife has informed me she is pregnant. She asks me to break the news to the teenage son my ex and I have, figuring he might take the news better from me than from her. I’m sitting at the table with him trying to gently break the news.)

Me: “You know how your dad and [new wife] have been trying to have a baby?”

Teenage Son: “Trying? Why, did Dad forget how?”

(It took me about ten minutes of laughing before I could continue the conversation!)

(I’m in my room with my sister both on our computers. I’m about eighteen and she’s sixteen. We’re on a bunk bed; she’s in the top bed and I’m on the bottom bed. My sister visits a website that greets her with a cheery voice.)

Website: “Hello, I’m Barbie. Welcome to my website!”

Sister: “NO! IT’S NOT BARBIE!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I am at home, playing a game. My brother is watching, and we are a very competitive pair. I beat his high score. I am also very into English and grammar.)

Me: “Ha! Beat you! Now I’m better than you at everything.”

Brother: “You’re wrong. I’m better at you than tennis!”

Me: *grinning* “True, true. I suppose you’re also better at me than grammar.”

Brother: *skulking, walking away* “Shut up.”

Me: *shouting after him* “That’s not a complete sentence!”