Ever Wary Of February

| USA | Related | May 14, 2012

(My mom is talking to one of her old friends. I’m hanging around nearby, not paying much attention. It should be noted that my birthday is in February.)

Friend: “Wow, I haven’t seen you or your daughter in years! How old is she?”

Mom: “She’ll be 15 in May.”

(I freeze and stare at her. Her friend sees my reaction and pauses. Mom blinks.)

Mom: “Wait…”

Me:Mom…

Mom: “That’s not right, is it?”

Me:Mom!

Mom: “No, no, I know this…it’s in April, right?”

(I am speechless.)

Mom: Well, how am I supposed to know!?

Me:You were there!

How to empty out your kids’ pockets

| Related | May 14, 2012

Weekend Roundup: It Runs In The Zombie Family

, , , | Not Always Related | Related | May 13, 2012

It Runs In The Zombie Family! There’s nothing natural about the supernatural–unless you’re living (or unliving) in one of these families!

  1. Bark Of The Dead:
    A zombie dog’s bite is actually much, much worse than its bark!
  2. Zombie Vampire Love:
    Warning: mom’s vampire curiosity could raise questions about raising the dead!
  3. Fun Runs Can Be A Brain Drain:
    Keep this in mind: people hate to eat and run, whereas zombies love to eat running people.
  4. Logic Of The Dead:
    Parents acting brainless? Try speaking zombie!
  5. Just Be Square With Dad:
    Deep down, we always suspected dad was a lean, mean, picture-frame-swingin’ zombie killin’ machine.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Cereally Lazy

| IL, USA | Related | May 13, 2012

(My older sister is graduating from high school soon and is known in our family for being very lazy. She walks in on me eating cereal.)

Sister: “Aw, yeah! We have cereal again? I’m getting me some of that!”

(She goes over to the cereal cabinet, where we keep our bowls, gets a confused look on her face, and walks away. She looks in the sink, where there is a dirty bowl, and ignores it. Finally, she pulls out a tupperware container and happily pours her cereal in.)

Me: “Um…what are you doing?”

Sister: *around a mouthful of cereal* “Practicing for college.”

Mother’s Feelings Stripped Bare

| VA, USA | Related | May 13, 2012

Dad: *handing me money* “Here’s $30, but it’s only one five. The rest are ones.”

Me: “Make me look like a stripper, why don’t you?”

Mom: “If you’re making that many ones, you’re a bad stripper. Better pursue that graduate degree, hun.”

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