Forget Bread-cake, This One Is A Fruit Cake

| Between Spain and England | Related | February 3, 2012

(We are on a flight back from a holiday in Spain. After a fantastic holiday, we’re all in a very good mood, having a good laugh and generally being a bit silly. The meals are served to us. Each meal is a fairly standard airline meal, with bread-cake (or bread roll) and butter, and a small dessert. My mum’s meal doesn’t have a portion of butter with it, but does have a bread-cake.)

Mum: *turning to me and my little brother* “I would like to introduce you, to the lonely bread-cake. This bread-cake is all alone in this world. The bread-cake, does not have any friends. You see, your bread-cakes have butter for friends, and each main meal has a dessert for a friend. The coffee has milk to talk to, but not my bread-cake. This bread-cake was abandoned, back when it was merely a ball of dough. No one to love it, care for it, or play with it. No one to tuck it in on a night, tell it bed time stories, or to comfort it when sad. I, however, will love the break-cake as though it were my own. I shall ensure that this bread-cake is no longer lonely, I will be its friend. I will be there to comfort it, and I for one, will not eat this bread-cake. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the no longer lonely bread-cake.”

(She gives the bread-cake a hug before putting it back on the tray. She eats the rest of her food, but refuses to eat her new found friend.)

Where Being Grounded Is An Extended Sentence

| Sainte-Agathe, QC, Canada | Related | February 3, 2012

Me: “Dad, do you love me?”

Dad: “Of course I do.”

Me: “Why do you love me, then?”

Dad: “Because the law requires me to.”

Cold, Concentrated Logic

| NC, USA | Related | February 2, 2012

(My family and I are about to watch a movie, and I go to get myself a beverage. Note: I am coming down with a cold.)

Me: “I believe in the healing power of Sprite.”

Brother: “No, watered-down Sprite is what you’re supposed to drink when you’re sick.”

Me: “But Sprite is concentrated watered-down Sprite.”

(My brother looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Me: “Your brain explodes with logic.”

Don’t Need Guns To Take Cheap Shots

| AK, USA | Related | February 2, 2012

(I’m in the toy aisle with my seven-year-old daughter, letting her pick out a new toy.)

Daughter: “Look, Mom! The Musketeer Barbies! Can I get one?”

Me: “Where are their muskets?”

Daughter: “What?”

Me: “Their muskets. It’s a type of gun. They don’t have any muskets. How can they be ‘musketeers’ if they don’t have muskets?”

Daughter: *gives me a withering look* “Oh, shut up! Can I just get one of the stupid Barbies?”

How To Rear-End A Conversation

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Related | February 2, 2012

(We are talking about the family dog, who has just dragged his butt across the carpet.)

Dad: “Eww, that’s so gross. Why would you even do that? You don’t see me scratching my butt by scraping it on the ground.”

Brother: “Speak for yourself.”

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