A Breed To Make You Brood

| New Zealand | Related | March 23, 2012

Daughter: “I read this story today, mum.”

Me: “Okay?”

Daughter: “There was a fat lady that got bitten by an Alsatian. But don’t worry—it wasn’t you, mum.”

A Birthday Slice Of Honesty

| VIC, Australia | Related | March 22, 2012

(My family and all of my extended family are at our grandparents’ house to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. This is huge because Grandpa has been very ill, and we weren’t sure if he was going to make it. There are about 50 people there, and they have just finished cutting the cake my Aunty made.)

Grandma: “Thank you all so much for coming. We really appreciate it and we are so proud of all of you.”

Grandpa: “Why?”

Grandma: “What?”

Grandpa: “Why are we proud of them? What have they done?”

(Everyone laughs.)

Cousin: “Thanks for being honest, grandpa.”

(Hair) Raising Children

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Related | March 22, 2012

(I have recently posted pictures of my brand new mohawk on Facebook. My slightly conservative mother responds.)

Mom: “Oh my God! What have you done to your hair!?”

Me: “I tried something new! Just like you and dad always encouraged me to do, I broadened my horizons!”

Mom:Sure! Make us eat those words!”


| New Zealand | Related | March 22, 2012

(Note: We are a Chinese family.)

Brother: “I am Batman!”

Me: “No, you’re not muscular enough.”

Brother: “Don’t discriminate because I am white!”

(I stare blankly.)

Brother: “I mean Asian! Asian!”

Educate Vs Out-of-date

| NJ, USA | Related | March 22, 2012

(Note: My mother’s side of the family has just found out that I am getting married.)

Relative: “You’re engaged! We thought it would never happen!”

Elderly female relative: “I always thought that you had too much education to get a man…”

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